A
female
age
30-35,
*oungandrestless
writes:im having a bit of a personal crisis in my life right now, this may take a while to explain so bear with me. When i was a teen i had 2 best friends, we had all been home schooled and spent as much time together as we could. that all changed once we started dating. we all hit the dating scene around the same time, we were all within the 18-20 stage. my one friend(X) started dating a good ethical guy, but their relationship has been rocky at the best of times, but that is just because *(X) is very bi polar, but refuses to medicate. she is very uncontrolable and very moody, and just plain exhausting to be around. my other friend (Z*) started dating a man who was extremely controlling and even physically abusive, but she persuaded him to go talk to kind wise people or she wouldnt date him. I started dating a guy who was younger than the rest and definelty not what my parents thought was good for me. in the beginning of our relationship he was very controlling and manipulative, and has even cheated on me twice,(both isolated incidents). but we have since then created a wonderful life together. he has grown up a lot since we started dating and has turned into a responsible man. the people that have been friends with us as a couple have told me that we work well together and suit each other perfectly, and have told me its obvious how much he loves me and i love him. I moved in with him almost 2 years ago, against the wishes of my parents and 2 best friends. my parents have since come to accept him into the family and support our marriage next year. my friends never accepted him.I used to be a very innocent and naive girl, i wanted to do good things and work with poorer people in mexico. I have already travelled to various locations around the world, and the people I met always made me very happy. But i always wanted to find a good man before i dedicated my life to helping poorer people.After i met my fiance and i have decided that we want to start a family first and that we will both move to mexico when our children have grown, so that we can fulfill our dreams together. my one friend (X)* was married on saturday, and unfortunately my fiance and I did not make it because we got lost on the way and never found the location. But now she believes that my fiance made me miss it on purpose.She has since told me that she cannot support my life choices anymore and will not participate in my wedding next year. my other friend (Z)* has since been removed from my life as she was not a healthy person to be around. My basic question is, have i really made a mistake in finding a man i love, and wanting to live a life with him, raise a family then fulfill our dreams later in life to help poorer people? Have i really made a choice that will keep me happy for the rest of my life? i'm feeling very lost and i dont feel i can talk to anyone in my life about it because they all have personal views.
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (30 July 2011):
 Well this guy does sound brilliant if i say so myself. From what it sounds like i wouldnt let him go if he makes you feel that brilliant.
And as for your friend with bi-polar ive had a simarlar situation except from this friend had nothing wrong with her, just had abit of a hard life so i do completely understand where you are coming from.
I do hope things go well for you good luck x
A
female
reader, youngandrestless +, writes (30 July 2011):
youngandrestless is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you for the help, my parents have actually come to include damien in the family very well in the last year. we can actually sit down to a dinner and have a great conversation, without it being awkward or embarrassing. i am very sure that he is the man for me, he completes me in every way and treats me like a queen (now that he's grown up a bit lol). he has come to appreciate me in a way that no one in my life ever has. he has taught me to respect myself and not to be a doormat to everyone. i have become a more confident woman because of him. my one friend (missed wedding) believes he is pulling me away from my dream, she doesnt believe that my dream has changed.
as for my friend with bi polar, unfortunately that is not the only reason i had to remove her from my life. unfortunately she has never truly respected me, and our friendship was always give and take, i never got anything out of it, i always had to give to her. she was emotionally draining and expected me to run to her side every time she had a bad day. I had to help her through her depression in highschool, often i was the only reason she made it to school because i forced her. i was the one who pushed her to graduate, helped her study to get her learners, and i got her the first job she was able to hold for more than 3 months. and yet every time i tried to invite her to something that was important to me, she would completely ditch me without even telling me, so i would end up sitting at some function alone for hours without any word, end up bawling at home because she let me down again, and then end up forgiving her the next day because she always had some sob story and made me feel guilty for being mad. i decided that for my own well being i needed to remove her from my life, at least until something changes.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (29 July 2011):
Hello. Well first of all, are you defintely sure that he is the right man for you ? do you defointly know it in your heart and are sure that he is the one who can give you these dreams and most importantly will treat you respectively and stand by you ? if you know he is the right one for you then you must go on in your descision and not be swayed by others judgements. I can understand why your parents and friends may well have bad ideas about him if you say at the beginging of your relotionship he wasnt that grown up and cheated on you and was controlling you can understand why your parents and friends may well be suspicious of him or dislike him. You see i have an aunt who almost two years ago had a child and married a man who is now my uncle. Well none of us like him to be honest most of us hate him, but we have accepted him as we know he makes my aunt happy and we will not qeustion that. If your friend cannot not deal with the fact that you are marrying this man and that you didnt on-purposly miss her wedding then i suggest you just try and tell her one last time, leave it up to her to come around and if she doesnt then thats her problem. Maybe try and have a meal with you parents and your man, try and show them that he has changed and is now a good responiable man if they still do not like him then well its just something you and they will have to learn to live with but atleast they have learnt to accept your marriage as some familys i know there daughters would be disowned if they didnt like there future husband. And as for your friend with bi-polar. Well bipolar is a extreamly hard disorder to live with and beleive it or not sometimes taking the medication is just as bad as not taking it. I know a guy who because he has been on the medication since the age of 17 has now found out he is infertile because of it. But that is your choice. Hope this helps x
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