A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm in a relationship and I'm thinking of ending it. I've always been an undecided person, so I'm seeking for a bit of advice.My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 5 months. We're both 16. He really is a great guy; Calm, kind, patient, loving and funny. I really like his support and how comfortable around him, but is this enough to be in a romantic relationship? I dont feel like being around him is the most amazing thing ever, and we dont have topics of conversation sometimes.I know he is properly in love with me, he wants to see me all the time, he tells me he misses me, he wants to hug and touch me all the time and he wants to do fun stuff together. I know for a fact that I don't return those feelings. I dont need to see him all the time, I dont like being hugged or touched too much and I feel bad abandoning my friends. I'm so selfish. At the same time there are moments when I really like him being there. When it comes to kissing, often I dont feel anything and sometimes I dont even wish he kissed me, on the other hand, the other times it feels quite nice. Hugging him before, felt amazing and I felt awsome, but now its more of a must. I'm really confused because I dont have any typical 'in love' or at least 'loving' symptoms and yet I'm still with him. I dont have butterflies or constant thoughts about him. I dont look out for him at school, and dont mind if hes not there at break. Comparing to my friend who after two years of being with a guy still gets butterflies and has things to talk about I seem very uncommited. Me and my boyfriend dont have much in common; we like different music, films, pastimes, opinions on the future, opinions on people etc. Also, with my ex I felt pretty much the same, but when we broke up I missed him. I think hes a cool guy, and I wont find someone as good as him if we break up. He treats me right, he does everything very well too. Should I break up with him? Do people always need to be in love to be together? Am i just abnormal? How can I tell if i like him more than a friend? Should I contunue being with him because I'm comfortable around him? Please help me, because I'm so confused. Cheers
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (18 November 2009):
 I can see that you're very conflicted in what you feel for this guy. There are no right or wrong feelings to feel when starting out in a relationship! Butterflies, well, I've experienced them with a few guys, but then gone off them all together! My current boyfriend, I didn't get the butterflies, but (so far, touch wood) I haven't gone off of him! It's all relative, you aren't necessarily going to feel the same feelings as your friend feels about her boyfriend.
It's good to have a few things in common usually, but opposites attract too! I think what you need to think about is what is it about this guy that YOU like? Okay, you've given us a few things you like, but I think you should write down what this guy makes you feel in yourself, I am sure that will give you a clearer picture about what you feel.
There is no set pattern to follow in a relationship, it's not like "At 3 months you should be feeling inseperable"! If you like him enough to wait for things to even out I think you'd be happier than if you broke up with him, give it a chance. You might be surprised!
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