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female
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*uguststar
writes: I have been with my husband for five years.We are know in the process of getting divorced and i have sinced moved on with a wonderful man.It has been 9 months since me and my husband have been together .well my question is i think i might want to get back with him. I believe that i might still love him but he lies, oh, how he lies about stupid things. Needless to say, this has been going on the whole five years and on top of lying he treated me like crap and constantly kicked me and our children out, he always promised to change and never did. He now says he sees the error of his ways and is sorry and can't move on with his life because he loves me. So i guess i would like to know what to do. i actually left my husband for the man i am with now he is a wonderful man who would do anything for me and my children.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): He sees the error of his ways? Make him prove it, dear. You have a lot to lose if he's lying to you. Has he taken anger management courses, has he gotten long term intensive counselling to control his abusive, demeaning, self-righteous, controlling behaviours? And what about this other man who so graciously opened his heart and home to you...to offer you love, safety and protection? Where is the respect, the love, the honor for him?
Hun, no one in their right mind should give you the go- ahead to ignore your children's needs and safety and walk right back into the arms of a man who will likely abuse you and your kids. Next time, you may not be that lucky and simply get away. Why would you risk that? A women protects her children...she does not put them in danger. How can you love a man that has dishonored, hurt, and abused you and your innocent children. I don't care how much he has changed. Men like this never change and if they do...it takes years. I need to be blunt..I honestly think you are simply, having a sexual physical response to the excitement you feel around this ex husband and nothing more. But oh my,my... what a heavy price you will be paying to satisfy that need.
He is playing you. Abusive men like your ex, enjoy and love to exercise and flaunt their power over gullible women. You are his property, dear and so are the kids. What kind of role model will this man be? Has this man been in intensive anger management counselling? How hard has he worked to change the error of his ways, dear? Don't get taken in by his nice words, dear. Actions speak much much louder, and I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. He has a proven track record of abuse against you and the kids so I have to ask...why would you do this to your kids, hun? And..even if this man does love you (in whatever mysterious way he would define love), he doesn't respect you enough to level with you-remameber all the lies, dear. Of course things between the two of you are intense. You've got all the ingredients...drama, deceit and doubt. Humor me for a moment: Take away the star-crossed aspects and the sexual tension from this prospective relationship with your ex husband, you are thinking of. Put him and you together in a house with the kids, say about 1-year down the road. What do you see, hun? Not as romantic and a heart-stopping a picture, is it? With his track record, how long would it take until you will say to yourself "ooops...I made another mistake!" In the meantime, you have left a good, caring, loving man behind who treated you and your children with the deepest love and respect. I would suggest you think long and hard about this, and put the feelings and safety first and in the highest priority. It sounds like your ex is really, really bad news. I'm wondering if he is capable of being a good, loving husband to you and Father to his children. Seriously cut your losses now and tell the ex, NO. It's going to get worse. So be strong...stay on the life path and do not stray-your kids are depending on you. Take care,
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2005): i think u have answered ur question. u are with a wonderful man who would do anything for ur children so stick with him. the one u know is better than that which u r not sure of and who have treated u and ur kids really bad. please i beg u dont go back u will probably have to relive those other experiences. tell ur husband u r still fond of him and he will alwyas remain ur kids father and ur friend but u have moved with ur life now and would like him to remain in ur past. i wish u all the best. everone woman deserves a man that would make them happy u have got one dont loose him
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A
female
reader, DrumMeOver +, writes (6 December 2005):
 "A leopard never loses it's spots"... is that how the saying goes? Well, however it goes, it's a wise one. You shouldn't be even contemplating returning to this ex-husband... if he treated you and your kids like crap and left you all miserable, why be selfish and push your kids and yourself to endure that all over again? It seems as though he has a control issue if he was always kicking you guys out and letting you back in, and if he does have a control issue then he'll just wait until he knows he's solidified a place back into your head until he strikes once more. It's a never-ending vicious cycle.
PLUS, what about this new guy? He sounds marvelous! Think about the small sacrifice you made to be with him... and then compare it to the large sacrifice you'd be making to be with your disrespecting, unhappy ex-husband. Doesn't the latter look a lot less appealing now?
Well, it's truly up to you, but whatever you do, don't put you or your kids in a position where you'll repeatedly feel abandoned by this ex. If he kicked you out once, he'll do it again. The last time he did it he received a divorce, and that's how it goes. Tough.
3
KC
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