A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been togther for almost 9 years. A year and half ago we got in a big fight. he wanted a divorce joined a dating website and everything. We deside to work things out but I found out he never deleated the account, so i did for him. Not long after I found that he was paying web cam girls and getting erotic massages. I confronted him he said it was all him he was sorry and we would go to councling. Well as soon as I made the appointment he refused to go. Things were good for a while now I found out that he is getting erotic pictures from a co-workeras well as at least twice he has called an esort. I found where even before the fight he has asnwered a sex add on craigslist and I have no doubt in my heart, but have no prof, that while he was in the navy he cheated while over seas. Well I love my husband very much but little things set me off with him. He does not know I know about the co-worker ot the escort I know if I confront him he will either tell me to leave or make a bunch of false promises. I know I should leave him but here is my delima. I do not work because I am a full time student and have about two more years of school left. Also I have two children from a previous marrage. My ex is in jail and over $30,000.00 behind in child support. My oldest son had a stroke two years ago and has to have regular MRI for fear of more stokes. The top specialist are right here and if I leave I will be moving back home away from them. Another thing is if I leave I lose health care for him. I also signed a pre-nup so i either get $8,000 or a car but I realy would need both to be able to sart over. I know in his own weird way he loves me or he would not be with me and taking the full responsiblity finachialy to rasie my kids. He is great with my kids and they both love him dearly. We go on vacations together and have regular sex. He tells me he loves only me and only wants my body but I can't help but wonder how many others he says that to. He also says that he comes straight home from work when would he have time but I also know he can leave work for hours at a time and no one knows because he has come home for lunch before. So my question is do I stay for the kids or leave for me?
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female
reader, HoneyComb +, writes (2 October 2011):
Hmmm, you have a pretty good set-up. You don't have to work; he's carrying the financial responsibility for your education, living expenses, vacations, and taken on the father role, too. But there's the issue of his sexual escapades...what's that all about anyway? Confront the man and tell him you know about work and the escorts, but be specific so he can't make excuses. The double play has to stop NOW, so ask what he needs from you to fill the void ... act out fantasies? watch porn with him? whatever it takes because there's too much at stake to end your marriage right now. For your sake and the sake of the children have a plan in case things don't work out ... set goals for yourself so in time you can walk away degreed with a decent job and full benefits.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): Leave him. Not just for yourself, but also leave him for the sake of your kids. Staying with him is going to tear down your self esteem, and when this happens it really affects your entire personality even to your kids. It's probably already happened which is why you're even still with him. He may be a great step-dad but in his role as a husband he's doing a lot of damage to you and there's lots of lies and secrets and betrayals in your relationship with him.Your kids can still have a relationship with him if you leave him, that doesn't require you to be in a marriage with him. money wise, maybe you should consult a financial advisor for advice on how to become financially independent. Lots of single moms manage to work and support themselves and their kids so it's possible you just need information and guidance on how to do it.
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