A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’m probably going to be told I’m selfish for complaining about this but I’ve honestly had enough.My sister who is in her mid 40’s has been in an off and on relationship with her boyfriend- in his late 40’s for the past 5 years. They lived together then split up, then they got back together, got engaged and then broke it off. Then got back together again and it goes on. Same drama. They break up about twice a year! 4 days before Christmas they split up again- this time his choice, which left my sister devastated. She spent the whole of Christmas miserable and sulking (which is understandable) but she made it really awkward as we had family fly in from different parts of the world to spend it with us and also it’s probably going to be our grandmothers last Christmas as her health is declining rapidly. She ignored everyone and when she did speak it was sarcastic. She wouldn’t take part in any games and was just rude. She was even refusing to open her Christmas presents and didn’t lift a finger to help throughout the day. Knowing their history they will be back together in a months time. It just annoys me how 2 people their age behave like teenagers and create so much drama that then everyone has to endure and especially over Christmas. I don’t mean to come across as uncaring but them breaking up is a regular occurrence (in the past I’ve always been there to support her) but now I honestly have no sympathy left for her or the situation and I told her so. She now isn’t speaking to me and refusing to spend New Year’s Eve and Day with the family as I will be present! After pleading from my family I called her to apologize but she didn’t feel it was sincere and is still refusing to come over new years.I told my family I was sincere in my apology but i won’t grovel. Shall i just stay at home and let her go to spend new years with the family as I will never hear the end of it?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 January 2023):
 A bit late to chime in here, but I'm going to anyway. I hope you went a had a lovely New Year's.
You do not sound selfish at all. Your sister does, and I probably would not have apologized. I'd be pleasant but aloof.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2022): Your sister has resolved the problem per self-elimination. She will not be present to add drama and theatrics to your holiday festivities, and all should proceed as planned. She will hate the loneliness. My prediction is she will make a last-minute appearance. She doesn't want to be alone; while her boyfriend is probably out celebrating his underpants off!
Her performance requires an audience. Carrying-on as she did with you, while being unforgiving; is just trying to drag you into her childish antics. She's trying to make herself the center of attention. Like any spoiled-child who is misbehaving; you must ignore them, and let them throw tantrums and pout, until they grow tired of themselves. If she doesn't have attention and an audience, her drama is meaningless. She'll be her own audience of one. Leave her to pine over her on-again-off-again boyfriend; or maybe she can find him and put-on a live-performance for him. He was smart enough to leave her alone; and shed himself of her drama for the Holidays! In the case of the rest of your family, one drama queen won't stop no show! On with the family festivities, and ushering in a new year!
You've apologized, and made that effort apparent to all the other family members. If they want her to be present, let them be the ones to go get her; you've done all you can, or will need to do. You've been diplomatic enough, and I wholly and completely agree that you should not grovel. Groveling feeds into her negative-energy, and pacifies her narcissism; and she will only continue to weaponize her unforgiveness for the sake of psychological-warfare. If you have children, particularly a teen or preteen, you've had this kind of standoff before. Once you ignored them, they usually get-over themselves; or just retreat to a quiet corner to sulk. Once they're out of the way, life goes on.
In her case, she will regret her behavior down the road; because she had a chance to fellowship with the family, but chose to be a brat. She has made a fool of herself in front of everyone; so let her have to live it down, all by herself. It's not your fault she has an unstable relationship with a guy who probably takes a vacation from their relationship twice a year; to go out and have some fun with other women. There cycle of breaking-up to make up seems to have become a yearly tradition; because it's as predictable and regular as clockwork. No need for guilt, but don't be mean-spirited either. Just leave her to herself to sulk. It was her choice, not yours. Begging and pleading for her to join the family is futile. She's a grown-ass woman!!!
I hope you and your family have a pleasant, safe, and prosperous, and most of all, a very Happy New Year! In spite of her drama-queenery! The brat will miss this one, but that's on her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 December 2022):
 Screw her!
Go enjoy the family get-together - ignore her and spend time with the rest of your loved ones. If there are plenty of people there you don't HAVE to interact with her at all.
You apologized, that is enough. She is mad because YOU were right and she was a bratty bitch.
I don't know why the rest of your family puts up with this. Yes, I get they feel sorry for her but why should everyone be miserable because SHE is miserable?!!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (31 December 2022):
 She sounds like my 86 year old mother and her boyfriend (same age). They constantly fight break up, then reunite making everyone else around them miserable when they are fighting. They are 86 acting about 15 and we are all just tired of it! I get it. Don't stay away just to satisfy your sister! You already apologized. Enough. Go enjoy your family. If she wants to stay away and be alone/miserable the cut off nose to spite face attitude, then let her. Whatever. I wouldnt let her ruin your day because she's being a little baby. My mother has learned that we just ignore her when she acts that way. She still does it, but I don't think she gets nearly the attention she wants and that right there is rather funny. Some people NEVER grow up sadly. My mom..your sister. Shame!
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