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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 28 year old female who has been in a relationship for about 4 1/2 years. My fiance and I have had our problems and were trying to work through them. We started planning our wedding when - oops - I became pregnant. Now the issue is even before I became pregnant I was questioning whether to marry him or not. Now it is even worse. I am not happy at all and have not been for some time. My fiance seems to accept our situation of brotherly-sisterly relationship like it is ok. Unfortunatly this is not enough for me. I want chemistry and compatability. It seems the longer I stay the deeper the hole I dig. We now own a house together .... it seems impossible to walk away. So I guess my quesiton is do I stay for the babies sake? is just compatibility in a relationship good?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): Do you really think that staying with someone you dont love and that dont seem to love you the right thing to do for your baby?? you need to be happy to supply a happy life for your baby whether that life is with your partner or not.
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reader, pops +, writes (14 October 2005):
NO, compatibility is not enough. You deserve more. have the baby, but don't marry him. Wait until several months after the baby is born before making any final decisions, as this is a very stressful time for both of you. You are entitled to the sex life, and romance you want, and if he truly loves you, he will have no trouble doing it all for you. When you commit to each other, by marriage, or whatever, you are agreeing to be faithful to each other, and part of the gig is that both of you have to agree to pleasure each other, and teach each other how you need to be pleasured, sexually, and romantically. As you grow older, your sexual interests and appetites will change, and you have to continually talk about new fantasies, positions, places, toys, etc. that you would like to try with each other, so that you just get better and better at pleasuring each other. That is a serious investment of emotional capital, but it pays big dividends, in having a happy, lustful marriage, where your children grow up knowing how people should really love each other. Don't settle for less. I hope you can work it out with him, but if not, don't look back.
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