A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone. Insight requested just to make sure I am not crazy. I am single and not in a terrible hurry to find anyone even though eventually I would love to. I have been hanging with a crowd of people for almost a year and everything was going great apart from this couple's sometimes pressing efforts to introduce me to young men hoping that somehing would develop so we can be "couples". Christmas weekend my "friends" insisted we should celebrate together and we all went to a cottage my family owns. My "friend's" girlfriend couldn't join us so he ended up coming alone (in fact he deliberately set it up this way as I found out). two more people were there and during day one nothing out of the ordinary happened. In the middle of the night he sneaked into my bedroom and started fondling my back. I woke up kicked him out and locked the door. he came back, saw that he could not get in and went back to his room.. The next morning I confronted him (rather he came to see if I was upset) and he claimed he could not see why I should be offended, that he got the impression I would be alright with it and that I should not be acting like a prude and make a big deal out of the small incident since I kissed a friend of his at a party a month ago. And in any case, he said, he saw I didn't want to so nothing happened so it is not like he pressed me for sex or anything. Of course when I mentioned his girlfriend (who is a lovely girl that deserves better) he didn't have very much to say and on the way back he was acting as if nothing had happened at all being cheerful and in a good mood. None of the others saw any invitation from me, implied or express but they were not too bothered that he continued to be extra touchy feely inspite of my obvious objections (I endured the whole thing for the ride back from a very remote place)I am curious as to what people think. Do I sound like a prude for not wishing strange men crawling into my bed uninvited? Is it not a big deal as he suggested? Is sexual liberation an implied permission for everyone to try anything for size? I am seriously wrecking my brain trying to figure out whether I have caused this in any way shape of form. Do I tell the girlfriend and if so how would you do it? How do I handle those people given that it is a relatively small city I live in and those people are simple everywhere? His friend from the party that I kissed is still calling for a date but I want nothing to do with any of them. Thanks in advance
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): No, you did nothing wrong, and that guy is a complete scumbag! Especially for trying to turn the blame on you! All I can say is good job for staying away from them now, As for telling his girlfriend, that will be your call as you'll have to deal with any backlash that may result.
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 You did absolutely nothing wrong! It is your right to pick and choose who you have sex with! Rejecting someone you are not interested in Does Not make you a prude!
As far as saying something to the girlfriend....
I would wait, and if he ever comes near you again (in a sexual way) I would threaten him that if he ever does it again, you will tell his girlfriend!
Telling her now might break up your circle of friends and you may come off as the bad-guy. By threatening to tell her may keep him at bay and end the situation.
Of course this is just my opinion and some my disagree and it's up to you to make the final judgement.
In any event don't think that you did the wrong thing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): You've not done anything wrong, and the reason he's blaming you is because he can't take the blame himself. Nobody has to have sex with someone they don't want to, and you've acted in accordance to your beliefs so you've done the right thing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): You arent a prude. But your friend has over stepped the mark! He sounds a complete bore. Dont have any nonsense from him. Whether you tell his girlfriend or not depends on whether you wish to remain friends with her. If you dont care to see any of them again just avoid them. If you want to remain friends with his girlfriend, it might be best to speak to her about her boyfriends behaviour.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 December 2009):
For some reason, when everyone is single, they're happy single, yet when they become a couple, they suddenly have to make sure everyone else is in a couple. You're not prude at all. You're a lady. Stay that way and keep your morals. You'll feel a lot better about yourself, unlike some women who make mistakes they later regret with men. Mr Right is out there, and he certainly wont' have a girlfirend and suddenly sneak into your room at night. Sexual liberation doesn't mean you have to sleep around with anyone. Keep your standards.
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