A
male
age
41-50,
*aniel76
writes:I need some advice. I started dating someone a while back and we had basically both just come out of long-term relationships. After awhile it was because clear she just wanted something casual, although I had wanted more of a relationship at first. I was OK with the casual thing because she was sexy, different, and I enjoyed her company, so we entered into a 'friends with benefits' relationship. One day she told me she had kissed someone the previous night and at first my reaction was to stop seeing her. However I still obsessed over her a bit and tried to woo her until we got back togethr again. We agreed again that it was a casual, open relationship, and that we could see other people. Over the past couple of months we have seen a lot more of each other than usual and started doing really couply things like staying in together. We had a chat and I told her I was still happy with just having the casual thing and didnt want to take things further - basically I wanted to check she wasn't getting too close because I didnt want to hurt her. We continued doing couply things together and have got closer. Finally she admitted that she has stronger feelings for me and because of what I had said earlier she suggested we stop seeing each other so that noone gets hurt. My feelings are now confused. It has been 2 days now and I really miss her, but I dont know if it because I am just feeling lonely or if I actually have strong feelings for her and consider her a partner. I really don't want to mess her around so want to be sure of my feelings towards her before I consider getting her back. I told myself I would wait a week or so and see how I felt then. If I still missed her a lot then I would know I had strong feelings for her, and was not just suffering loneliness. Please help I really do miss her but don't want to be selfish and get her back just because I am lonely. I want to be sure I really want to be in a long-term relationship with her. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): hey there. your situation seems very similar to mine, except the other way round where im the girl. ive also been in an fwb relationship with one of my close guy friends, and recently he has asked to be in a relationship with me. at first i thought it was just because he was lonely, like how you were feeling.
what you really have to ask yourself is, if you could be with another girl as a couple, would you? or would you want to be with just HER.
how do you feel about her? do you genuinely care about her or do you just like having SOMEONE there for you. is she the person you think about most of the time, or when youre having the best time in the world, is she the person you want standing next to you? if the answer is yes i think its most likely that you do like HER.
but do give it some time. with my situation we both took about a two weeks off from seeing each other since we were both on holidays in different countries. at the end of it was when he told me that he wanted to be with ME, because he hadnt once thought about the other girl hed been hanging out with. when he came back and saw this girl and she wanted to be in a romantic relationship with him, he declined her and told me that our time apart made him realize that he only wanted to be with ME.
good luck i hope things work out for the best :)
A
female
reader, Deepwater  +, writes (27 January 2009):
Hi Daniel! Iam in the same situation with " your girl" I have FWB relationship with a man, but I have started having very strong feelings for him, I told him what I felt and I want more but he said no, he didnt want a relationship at the moment, he did not have love to give at the moment.....Pls read my post with title" We have FWB relationship, I want more, he still has feeling for ex" that I posted on 25 Right now, I having to spend very hard time to work it out. I miss him a lot, I was hurt so badly, I have been thinking about him and crying every nightYour letter make me wonder if that man is now thinking like you are thinking now. But I dont know, he has met many women at the same time.....Just give you time to think and decide what you want. Iam sure, right now, she is in sadness and pain... and maybe she is hoping you will be back. And I agree with Jager, hang out with your friends and dont sleep with anyone, see how your feelings goingThen, if you can not change this FWB relationship to the real one, just let her go, dont hurt her anymore!But I really hope you will call her and tell her that" She is important to you and you want her to be your real girlfriend"I hope to hear the good news from you!
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A
male
reader, Jager +, writes (27 January 2009):
You cant ever be sure that you want a long term relationship untill you have been together long term. i think you need to leave it like you said for about a week maybe two before seeing her again. In this time do not sleep with anyone.
Quote Friends "we were on a break"
I think if you stop seeing other people and spend all of your time with her then just stop seeing her all together it can be easy to slip into loneliness. What you have to do is plan your company.
I had a good friend who had difficulties in his relationship because they were sufficating each other. I told them they needed to dedicate regular space weekly where they did not see each other or contact each other for a day twice a week.
These two days were filled with seeing their friends and family spending time with other people and doing things with them.
Now its a different situation but if you plan the next week or so seeing someone every day friends family then you wont be lonely. You will then be able to find out if you want company or this girl.
if you decide to continue with this relationship then plan to have space and make sure you fill the gaps with seeing other people.
by the way the reason i say dont sleep with anyone is because if she is getting close to you and you do want to change the status of this relationship and in the space you sleep with someone else you could reck that chance.
Take it slow and best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): Let her go .. What is meant to be will be!
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