A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted here last week ,saying that my boyfriend spent part of Valentine's Day with a male friend of his who is gay, who is transgender. The people who replied to my original post said they didnt think there was anything sinister going on, but i would like to see what peopel think about what has happened since. I had spent the night on Valentine's Day with my boyfriend. I didnt know where he had been in the day time when i met up with him at night. When i got to his house, he was drunk. He had bought me some lovely presents though. He got some flowers, chocolates, a jacket and a card. The next day, i saw a omment on his facebook page, from his gay friend saying " Hi, how's your head?. Thanks for yesterday. It cheered me up more than you will know xxx ". I was upset when i saw that comment, as i wondered why he hadnt asked me to go out for a drink with them. They had been in a pub in town. It upset me more because it was Valentine's Day. At the time i saw that comment, i didn't know if they had planned to meet up, or if my boyfriend had just bumped into his friend. My boyfriend knew i was upset about the comment, so he didnt respond to it and he removed it. He was at my house again yesterday. He logged into his facebook account to check his messages. I noticed that there was a private message from his gay friend, that was sent on Valentine's Day. I asked him if i could look at the message. My boyfriend smiled and then said he didn't want me to look at the messages, as he thought i would " take what he said the wrong way ". When i insisted, he shouted at me, and at first, he said he was going to log out and go home. But then, he showed me the messages. I didnt get to read them all properly, but i noticed that they had planned to meet in town on Valentine's Day, and they didn't just bump into each other. My boyfriend had also written "i'm your secret valentino ", and then there was a message from his friend saying " Dont tell my hubby ". My boyfriend said he was just joking, but i have been really worried about it. As far as i am aware. he has never been unfaithful to anyone, and has never had feelings for men before. His friend has a husband who lives in another country. I'm not sure why he lives in another country though, and my boyfriend said he is dodgy and has a lot of problems. He also said that he hardly speaks to his friend ( i don't know if they are friends really, they could just be aquaintances). My boyfriend did tell me that his friend had tried to give him a kiss once, but my boyfriend said he told him that there was no chance of anything happening, as he isnt gay. He said that was before i met him. I remember when i first sent my boyfriend a comment on his facebook page, the night after we first met. This friend had sent him a comment around the same time, calling him "babes" and asked how he was, and said he missed him. My boyfriend removed that comment at the time too. He also blocked this friend once. I'm not sure why he added him back on his facebook page though.My boyfriend has never given me any reason to believe that he would be unfaithful before, and he has been jealous of other guys who have came on to me. He has done lots of lovely things that make me believe that he does love me. He even posts status on his facebook page, saying how much he loves me, so everyone on his friends list would see that. We meet up nearly every day too. The longest we have ever been apart is four days. I know he might not physically cheat on me, but the " joke" that he said to his friend has really bothered me. I'm also wondering if this firend still has feelings for my boyfriend. My boyfirend told me that his firend had even asked him if it was ok for him to be out without me on Valentine's Day, and my boyfriend had told him that he was meeting me that night. He also asked my boyfriend what he had bought for me. Do i need to worry about this, and should i break up with my boyfriend?. I don't really want to break up with him, as i love him so much. How can i try to fix this?. I would never send those kind of "jokes" to a male friend, especially to male friends who fancy me. There was a guy who fancies me who sent me a friend request on facebook, and i didnt add him, as i knew it would be disrespectful to my boyfriend. My boyfriend said he would block his friend from facebook again, but i dont know if he will, and he was probably just saying that to make me feel better, not because he actually wants to. My boyfriend said that his friend doesnt fancy him, but i'm not so sure.I wish i could have read all the messages properly, but i only glanced at some of them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): My son's girlfriend gets really upset when my son talks like that with his mates. I KNOW 100% they are being silly and just joking. I also have talked like that with close girlfriends....absolutely 100% joking, with comments like "marry me" or even something more risque.
It will be a joke between them, knowing that it would NEVER go anywhere. I have two sons that I see them talking like that with there mates, yet they will have lovely girlfriends they love and adore. It is silly banter. Try to see it for what it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): Hi. No, he hasn't met up with his friend since Valentine's Day, or spoken to him since then.I remember once last year, there was a food festival in town, and his friend asked him if he wanted to meet up then, but they didnt meet up. I can't remember why they didnt meet up though. I also remember another time when my boyfriend said that his friend should go for a drink with me and him, but it never happened. My boyfriend also told me that he went to his firend's house once, but i'm not sure how long he was there for. So, it doesnt seem like they have met up with each other much in the time that we have been together, as far as i know. I have been with my boyfriend for fourteen months. I'm not sure how often they write to each other on facebook though.He hasnt blocked his friend on facebook yet. I'm still quite worried about this though. I know this might not be a big deal, but he asked me when i am going to meet up with my friends too. I told him that my friends contacted me last week saying that they might be able to meet up this week. I hope he hasnt asked me that for a bad reason.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Hi
Has he met up with him since Valentines, or at any other time that you know of,or is it just FB stuff?
I don't think you have anything to worry about I do think your man loves you,from what you have said.
The messages have weirded you out though,which is understandable,I think you need to sit and talk,tell him your doubts,how you feel.Ask for the whole truth.Your gut instinct is telling you something and until you know the full story it will eat away at you.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 February 2013):
 HI either one of the two things are happening here ( in my eyes )1) his just really good friends with this guy and the words babe are just words of endearment, but your boyfriend don't want you reading into something that is not thereOR2) his kidding himself and is either gay or bi-sexual.this is something you really need to find out because if he is and is having unprotected sex behind your back you have a much higher risk of getting hiv or aids. If you love him and want to make things work then you need to decide if you can live with the fact he may be bi-sexual? it must be very hard to admit to yourself that your gay or bi so he will be defensive, I think if your ever going to find out for sure you may need to speak to this other guy.Mandy x
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