A
male
age
41-50,
*arren H
writes:Two problems really; one is rather embarrassing and shamefull, and I am sure that people will think I am a freak after reading the other one.....Problem 1: I am aged 29, and still a virgin. You heard that correctly! I have never had any girlfriends or sexual relations. I am heterosexual, and am attracted to women. But, for whatever reason, be it social awkwardness, lack of confidence, etc, I have never had any intimacy with the opposite sex.I often feel guilty for wanting to enjoy sex with a woman; it is like I would be committing a sin, or 'taking advantage' of her.Problem 2: I have an unusual fetish for shiny/see-through PVC inflatables (anyone think I am a freak? I do!.I also have a fetish for shiny/see-through PVC rainwear. I often fantasise about attractive women naked in pvc raincoats! If I did have a girlfriend, I fear that I would only be able to make love to her if she was wearing PVC clothing, or pvc inflatables were present during sexual activity.I think my pvc fetish has developed from an early stage of my childhood; as a child I remember being deeply absorbed with the ultra-shiny, glossy nature of pvc raincoats worn by people.Aswell as the glossy/shiny appearance, I also like the rubbery feel of pvc, its smell, and the crackling/popping sound it makes when handled.You may laugh and think I am a freak, but I have heard of very strange fetishes, such as broomstick fetishes! Believe me, there are much stranger fetishes out there than mine. Having a fetish for inanimate pvc objects will not fulfill my desire to be both lusted for and loved by a woman.Do I need to see a shrink?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): You're a virgin at almost 30 so this has become a big deal for you. How could it not?
But most women had sex a long time ago and it's just not going to be the same thing for them if they sleep with you. You're not "taking" anything from them, most of them WANT IT after a while.
It would help if you get this through your head. Look around, do you see single women withholding this gift as if it means that much to them and they're losing something? Most of them "give it up" all the time when they get horny for some sexy jerk who won't even call them back the next day, let alone how much they want to fuck a real boyfriend.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 I don't think that someone is lacking in confidence, or subnormal, just because he or she is still a virgin at 29.
Sex is the kind of thing that should be saved for love, and there is a time and a place for it. The right person hasn't come along, it's better to hold out for the right person than to have sex with just anyone.
There's no "right" age to have sex. It's all subjective.
There's no reason to feel guilty because you desire women sexually. Having sex is part of nature, and unless you've raped someone, there's no need to feel guilty.
I'm sensing that the underlying problem is that you're lonely and would like to have a mate but lack the confidence to pursue a relationship.
You have to be confident, be yourself, and try to put yourself in situations where people have common interests. I think that talking to a "shrink" could help you... but it has nothing to do with being abnormal or crazy. You have a problem that you can't work through on your own, and these people are trained to do just that.
A word to the wise about shrinks... some are better than others. I went to one who was awesome, with whom I had good rapport, but unfortunately one shrink I went to gave me retarded advice and barely even listened to me, no rapport at all. Shop around, perhaps ask a pastor of priest about counseling.
As for your fetish, that's the first I've ever heard of PVC rainwear, but I don't think that the word "normal" even applies when we're talking about sex.
En gustos se rompen generos (everyone's taste is different).
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A
female
reader, Anaphora  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 I don't think you're a freak at all. I think you just haven't found the right girl. I know that's said so often that it's become a cliche, but I really think it's relevant. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to become intimate with someone you just don't click with.Once you meet a girl you really love, I don't think you'll have any fears of committing a sin or taking advantage of her. The right girl will come along and it will change you. Try not to worry about it so much. As for your fetish, I think you may be focusing a little too much attention on it. It sounds like you sense the absence of a significant other in your life and are focusing that energy on a fetish instead. Once you meet the right girl, it's possible that your fetish will disappear too.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 It is okay to be virginal at 29, but it's about time to jump into the pool. Study up on dating techniques and meeting women - I'll bet there are plenty of tips online. But mainly, wherever you are among women, show confidence, talk with them and smile. Be humorous. Regarding the raincoat thing, well . . . now you've got me fantasizing about it!
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A
male
reader, damsel +, writes (23 December 2008):
firstly i'm a woman! lets get one thing straight, you are not a freak at all, sex is over-rated. whats wrong with being a virgin? its really just a name for inexperience, i have had some lovers yes, but if i developed a new relationship, if i liked the bloke, well it wouldn't in the least bit bother me.STOP WORRYING. relax. you seem anxious to the point of it interfering with getting to know that special someone. If it happens it happens, if it don't it don't its not a big deal. As for the fetish you have with pvc etc, millions and millions of people have fantasies and fetishes, it is just something you like. stop fretting its bog all to be worried about!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): You need to work on being intimate with women. Your fetish to me sounds like it's part of your intimacy problem, that you can't get close to another person, so you want to keep a distance, protect. You are afraid of getting hurt, so you cling to these fetishes that work like a child's "security blanket." There is no reason for the fetish; it just makes you feel more secure. Take more risks in life. Loosen up a little. Do things that are daring, not necessarily physically dangerous, but emotionally risky, like singing karaoke or giving a speech. Join a local toastmasters or something if you have trouble talking. And get to know the women in your life, including your mother, sister, aunt. Work on your relationships, especially with women, and this means friendships. Be prepared to open up emotionally.It sounds like you need social development. Almost everybody does to some degree, but I would make this a focus in your life. A therapist probably will help, but make sure you choose the right one. Reading books and self-help might be better even. I recommend The Road Less Traveled.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): No,you don't.There is nothing wrong with not having lost your virginity yet.There's plenty of time for that.The right woman will come along.You don't need to see a shrink.We all have strange fetishes and there's nothing wrong with you mentally(from what you've told us)So stop
worrying.
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A
female
reader, kitty_3 +, writes (23 December 2008):
 You're definitely not a freak! As you said, there are much stranger fetishes than yours. However, the fact that you seem to be rather uncomfortable with yourself and socially awkward, etc. like you said, a shrink wouldn't be a bad solution. I go to a shrink just to vent, you wouldn't be "weird" or anything for going and it could really help!
Happy holidays.
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