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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I really would appreciate some advice from the aunts and uncles here. They say that much of women's libido comes from feeling desired and I would definitely agree. I am a woman into mid 40s and have always taken care of myself and enjoyed doing so.I also have a healthy outlook on life and realise that a persons value is about much life than there appearance . I feel I have quote a balanced outlook, in that regard, and a healthy self esteem.I have noticed for some time though that my husband seems to barely notice my appearance . If I dress up and go to a lot of effort he will not bat an eyelid yet his eyes are often drawn to other women. It is very obvious and he never compliments me the way he used to . Basically he seems bored with me and intrigued with other women We have a very active and satisfying sex life. I have talked to him and he says he is happy but I really feel hurt that I am No longer noticed by him in the way other women are.Is this a sign that there is a deeper issue in the marriage.?I really put a lot of effort into both the bedroom and looking good yet it seems the stranger in the street usually trumps me when it comes to his eye. Yes, I know he is with me . Yes, I know he loves me. Does this just mean that women in a long terms marriage or over a certain age need to give up wanting to be physically attractive to their partners and catching their eye anymore?
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libido, notice me, self esteem, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (31 January 2015):
Dear OP,
I think that you are still a beautiful and attractive woman. You take care of yourself and you and your husband still have an active sex life.
Maybe it's like the second, anonymous agony aunt said. Even if you have the most beautiful thing in your life, you start to get used to it at some point and overlook it. So it would help to change something.
Or, maybe, not be available all the time. If you enjoy your life, maybe take some holidays with a woman friend of yours, or a weekend off, he has a chance to miss you. If you stop trying to seduce him, he may realise that he needs to approach you, himself.
Also, this might be a bit dangerous, but sometimes it works to make the other person a little jealous. I don't mean you should cheat or obviously flirt with someone else. But maybe you can tell your husband, when something happens, like.. "ugh, today at the supermarket, there was this guy who wanted my phone number.. of course I didn't give it to him, that idiot".. let him know that you are still attractive to other men, too, and that he can't just take you for granted.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): When you're around something or someone all the time, you fail to notice it anymore. If you worked in the Sistine Chapel day after day, the Michelangelo-painted ceiling would begin to seem ordinary. It's human nature to want what we can't have and also to devalue that which we already possess. It's why shopping gives you temporary happiness. We love getting new things but after a while those new things become old things.Still, I don't think you should stop trying. You can create new and novel experiences even with someone you've known a long time. That's why travelling to new and exotic destinations can get couples in the "mood" more than staying home. Also dressing up differently than you normally do or even wearing fantasy outfits based on what the other likes. For example, if your husband came home one day dressed as a cop (assuming he's not a cop already) and you wore a sexy Starfleet uniform, you probably couldn't help but check each other out as it's such an unusual sight. You could also try role playing where you each pretend to be other people. "Accidentally" run into each other at a new bar, coffee shop or hotel and act like you're meeting for the first time. You can each create a new backstory and stay "in character" for the rest of the evening. Might seem silly but a lot of actors have fallen for each other as a result of playing characters in made-up romantic scenes.I'm just throwing crazy stuff out there. These things may not work for you, but if they do then go with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): All men will notice an attractive woman. However, if he is not being discrete about it and leering/ogling in your presence, doing the slow once over look up and down, then he is being disrespectful. I was engaged to a fool like this and he took my attention and love for him totally for granted, he ogled, craned his neck/full body, positioned himself to get a better look. Any remotely attractive woman. It got boring, even though our sex life was pretty good, and there were other issues, so I ended it, thank God, before marriage.Most men don't realise they are doing it, but some men do it on purpose to test you and make you jealous. It depends on how obvious it is. My ex would get very angry if I brought it up, he said I expected too much from him, but when I "tested" his reactions by doing it myself to a couple of super hot guys, he flipped out on the street and told me I was being rude.. lol...So if you have already spoken to your man about this and he is still doing it and obviously so, start doing it yourself. My ex actually didn't even realise I had headed off in the other direction once, he was so intently staring. He also never complimented me unless he wanted something, usually money. He openly admired other friend's girlfriends though.So my suggestion is do it to him. He may or not realise how hurtful it is. Gauge his reaction. You could even say "phew" when some hot young cutie pie goes by. Worked for me. Although my relationship was on the rocks without this crap anyway...
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