A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone!Here's my problem... I am an introvert and am very shy. I have a lot of social awkwardness so that makes it hard for me to find and keep friends. I really only have two close people in my life that I let in. First there is my LDR boyfriend of 2.5 years. Secondly, there is my best friend. I feel that he and I are extremely close, but we do not have feelings for each other.Now he has just started seeing someone, and I am terrified of losing him as a best friend. Here is why. Just about a year months prior to this, I had another best friend who I loved with all my heart. She and I did everything together for years. We were like sisters. Then she got a boyfriend, and suddenly she just dropped me like I never meant anything to her. It's been six months since I've heard from her at all.Now I'm afraid because I want to make the extra effort to remain close to my male best friend, but it's a delicate situation since I don't want his girlfriend or him to think I'm after him. Can I express my feelings without this happening? I'm extremely happy for him that he has a girlfriend, but if I lost him as a friend I will have no one here for me in person.What can I do?
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best friend, has a girlfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone! Just wanted to offer a follow up. I met her today and she is an absolute sweetheart. At this point I can tell this won't happen with him. Thanks for the support. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): He's your friend!! You just don't turn your back on a friend. What your other best friend did to you was almost unforgivable, and I hate people who do things like that.
You've always had a place in his heart and in his life, and he needs to continue to give you that place. You don't sound like you're after your friend, it just sounds like the friendship means a lot to you.
YOur friend should stand by you, girlfriend or no girlfriend. If she tries to limit contact with you... guess what... she doesn't own your friend, he has a right to make decisions about his friendshis. Opposite sex freindships aren't cheatig, she needs to trust him!
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so very much for the response!! Yes I really do want to meet her, he said I will in time, and that she knows about me. He said it's still a little early for introductions which I totally understand and respect. I think all these feelings came up because my ex best friend's boyfriend was the one who pushed her into cutting ties with me.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (3 April 2013):
It's natural you feel "burned" by your experience with your other best friend who just dropped you........
About your current best friend: would it be possible to get together sometimes with him AND his girlfriend? Better yet, if your boyfriend is in town you might suggest the four of you doing something social together........
I would caution you against trying to express your feelings to him, however. There's almost no way where this would not be awkward and/or embarrassing.
But: if he really is a good friend to you and values you as such, perhaps he will want you to meet his girlfriend anyway at some point!
I hope you can find a way to try and work on your introversion and shyness, however. Not that there's anything wrong with being a bit shy and introverted EXCEPT when it makes it hard to meet new friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP here.. just wanted to correct a typo, I meant to say my ex female best friend got a boyfriend a year and three months ago.
Anyhow a bit of additional information: My best male friend and I did date briefly a few years ago, but we never slept together and we stopped seeing eachother romantically. This was a mutual decision. I'm so afraid his girlfriend will find this out and see me as a threat and try to limit his contact with me...
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