A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a son who is 14 year old son, Chris. He broke his leg and is on crutches. He is getting around okay on the crutches but I was worried about leaving him home alone, afraid that he would fall down, especially in the bathroom.Chris asked if his friend, Charles, could come over to watch a movie. So my husband and I decided to go out on a date dinner that night. When we got home, I caught Chris and Charles making out on the couch. My husband (Chris's dad) was talking to a neighbor and didn't see it. I don't mind if Chris is gay, bisexual, bicurious or whatever. But how do I talk about Chris about me catching him and Charles kissing or if I even should? And how do I tell his dad (my husband) or should I?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2021): Chris is only 14. Some things he will do now may not completely define him as a man; or will not confirm his sexual-orientation. He is a child, and at this point, all things are yet to be determined. Just prepare for all probabilities.
There are some things that he's too young to explore; because his psychological and emotional-development has not matured to the degree he is able to handle the depth and seriousness involved. He has to be exposed to things that are age-appropriate and not so intense it may cause him emotional trauma. It's with a boy his own age; so that's of lesser concern. Parents have a responsibility to monitor the activities and behavior of their children. It requires patience, and you have to keep calm. Making-out is not sex!
He's undergoing puberty; so hormones are going wild! His body is growing in spurts. He doesn't completely know what he is doing; he's mimicking what he has been exposed to. As seen on TV, or in a video. Nothing is concrete at this phase in his development.
It wouldn't be wrong for you to delicately approach him about what you saw. Wait until you're over any shock, or heavy emotion. No tears!!! You would have voiced your concern; even if it was the girl next-door. He has to have guidance about what he is doing and what paths he takes through life. At this very moment, it is unnecessary to tell his father; if he didn't see it. It's between you and Chris for now. Don't blow it out of proportion and make it a family-crisis.
Tell Chris what you saw. If you feel he's too young to be exploring sexuality; tell him so. If you're uncomfortable with him doing such things when he's left alone; he has to understand that he must respect your trust, and the values you keep in your home.
You can't stop him from feeling what he feels; and he's old enough to find someplace to do what he wants. He just needs some tender guidance from his mom. It's too early to pull-out the color-flags and march in gay-pride. He's still a boy, and growing. He's experimenting, but he has to be careful about whom he chooses; and what he's doing with them. Kids his age aren't good at keeping secrets; and when they have a spat or a fight; some will manipulate through blackmail. Trust is sometimes misplaced, and he has to learn and understand that just because someone is willing to do what he likes; they can't always be trusted to keep it a secret. If he isn't ready to let everybody know. If others do somehow find-out; you've got his back before it becomes too much for him to handle alone.
Eventually, when he's older; he should be given the opportunity to tell you voluntarily, if he is other than heterosexual. He's too young to know at this age. Parents inadvertently can push their kids out of the closet too soon! Like heterosexual-development, the mind has to catch-up with your body! Although, parents will always know long before that.
If you're straight-parents, it's a big deal and a shock to discover your son, or daughter, may be gay. At his age, that isn't certain. Not even if he was five or more years older. Lay low for now, but have a private talk to let him know he has your support and understanding. If things do get-out somehow, say it's at school or among his other friends; then he knows at least one parent knows and understands. It comes as no shock or surprise beyond this point.
You know your husband and his relationship with your son; so it is at your total discretion when and how to tell him what you saw. Make sure you are always a buffer between them; because some dads can never accept the thought, let alone the reality, that their son may be gay. In spite of that, he loves your son as much as you do. You and your son would know better than any of us about that.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2021): They are exploring, at their age it is common. They will grow out of it. Just forget the whole thing.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (8 April 2021):
 Like the other aunts have said, i would not even broach this subject with your son, or mention it to his Dad.
I feel if you mention it it will just be awkward and embarrassing, so some things are just best left alone.
He is 14, curious, and hormones racing around everywhere. Just let things be and what ever transpires.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 April 2021):
 They are 14, there is no chance of pregnancy. This might seem a bit sexist to say but in all honesty that is reality.
They might not be 100% sure of themselves whether they are bi or gay or whatever, they are still just curious.
I would not step into this just now. It might not be something your son is READY to share.
My only concern is that they are SO young. They are not old enough to consent, which means they really aren't old enough for sex. However, making out... isn't sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2021): HiJust leave his private life private so not fair to embarrass him and his friend, I would say nothing to anyone. He, they are at vulnerable ages and the last thing they need is the world telling them how they should or should not live their life, teenagers do make out on the sofa when they get a chance, that's life. Dad may not appreciate this information and this could make life difficult for a young 14 year old, let him enjoy his youth and find his own way through his life. I remember my teenage boyfriend walking me home from a first date and we had a snog outside my front door. I suddenly sensed I was been watched and I saw my mum my dad and my twin brother all peering out of the window, grinning. Boy! was I embarrassed especially when my dad knocked on the window and my boyfriend looked and saw them too. No need to say anything, but next time you go out at least give him a clue when you'll be back or make a noise, then nobody needs to be embarrassed. He may open up to you himself and say he is in a relationship, that's up to him and his own choice of when.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 April 2021):
 Why do you need to talk to Chris about this at all?
What do you hope or expect to accomplish besides possibly embarrassing him? Chris and his friend would not trust you, they'd see that you have a big mouth.
No need to say anything to anyone, EVER.
Just because you see something, doesn't mean you have to add your two cents.
There is nothing to be alarmed about here, no reason to blab to anyone and Chris and Charles will not benefit one bit from any kind of pointless discussion about this.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 April 2021):
 In your shoes I would not say anything to either of them but make it clear to your son you are always available for him to talk to. It is not unusual for young lads (and girls) to experiment with their own sex. They are trying to discover their sexuality.
I would make a point of throwing into a conversation with your son that you want him to be happy and that, once he starts to have relationships, he should treat everyone kindly and honestly. Leave the rest up to him.
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