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Do I let him go or hope he will change his mind?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends with Benefits, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 June 2019) 5 Answers - (Newest, 7 June 2019)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I met a man last year on a dating site it was great for the first 3 month but then he said he just wanted to be friends which i thought ok. He is very aware i have feelings for him and we spoke about this. He recently said lets be fwb and because i have feelings for him i agreed. I was hoping this might increase any feelings he has for me. I know he is still on the site talking to other women as my friend was one of them so she said no to him as shes my friend. Ive tried to show him how good itd be to actually have a relationship with me but it doesnt seem to work. We spoke about me getting hurt and ive said its too late for that no matter what happened over the last few month and in the future i will get hurt and im fully aware of this. Im seriously thinking should i end everything with him and not have him in my life ? I dont understand how i can be good enough for fwb and not a relationship, how does someone know a person isnt good enough unless they have tried

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019):

Girl, I’ve been there. Truth is, no matter what anyone says you won’t let him go until you are ready. He holds no true loyalty to you and he definitely doesn’t feel the same nor does he see your worth. Stop doing this to yourself. I’ve been there, done that. It won’t change. Your heart is lying to you, and you know deep down it won’t change. You deserve so much better. You are worthy of someone who loves you in return. The pain will only get worse, trust me. He will feel bad for hurting you, but not enough to change anything. And you wouldn’t want him to pretend to love you out of guilt. Cut all ties, don’t try to be his friend. He will reel you back in, and you will be weak and go. Because that’s what happens when we feel needed. Let go, it’s gonna hurt like hell, but you will be ok. And then you will move on and find someone who loves you as much as you love them. You are beautiful, courageous, and worthy. I can tell because you are on here pleading with strangers to tell you you’re wrong. You aren’t. Get out now. Let go. Cut ties. Save your self.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (7 June 2019):

N91 agony auntStop wasting your time.

He already told you before anything got deep that he saw you as a friend only, offering sex WILL NEVER change someone’s feelings for you if they have already friend zoned. The only guarantee is that your feelings will be crushed.

The longer you leave this, the more it will hurt. You shouldn’t have to plead and convince someone to date you. If they don’t want to do it from their own free will they they ARE NOT the one for you, it’s really simple.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (6 June 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHe has decided you are not for him. Regardless of how much you try, you will not change his mind, especially as he now has sex on a plate without any commitment. In fact, you probably stand a better chance of him changing his mind if you walk away and he suddenly realizes he is going to lose you (although I wouldn't hold my breath on that one either).

You need to walk away with your head held high. However, you sound so smitten that it will probably take a while for you to wake up and realize this "relationship" is eating away at you. You would be better without him at all (do not stay friends - it doesn't work) than being his sex toy. However, you will not leave him until YOU are ready. I hope you reach that stage sooner rather than later.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (6 June 2019):

Honeypie agony auntEnd it and try again with someone else.

DO NOT sell yourself short, OP!

OFFERING up "free" sex is NOT going to make a man go :" UH I really should date this one! - she's a keeper!".

He sounds like he is just wanting to take advantage of your feelings for him to get casual uncomplicated sex UNTIL he meets someone he deems WORTHY of dating.

Don't be his ENTERTAINMENT!

Either a guy wants to Date you and BUILD a future OR he can look elsewhere.

And OP, it's NOT you NOT being good enough, you are JUST not what HE is looking for, however you still have a vagina and is willing to drop your knickers even-though he isn't WILLING to invest emotionally in you.

I'd DEFINITELY let him go. And look ELSEWHERE for a man with BETTER! taste who wants ALL of you, not just a place to park his dick occasionally.

You are worth SO much more than that!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2019):

He has tried, you said things were good first three months. For whatever reason he changed his mind and I'll hazard a guess he wanted to play the field but if he isnt getting sex elsewhere he has you as the go to.

He isn't going to develop deeper feelings for you, sorry but if he thought the first three months were as great as you said they were he would have wanted to develop things further. You are in my age group , he is using you for sex, in.your shoes I would be getting rid, it's not love and he is not exclusive with you

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