A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:4 years ago I met someone special. We dated for about 3 months or so until just before Christmas when he basically grew apart from me and went quiet and wouldn't discuss what was going on with him. He broke up with me when I dug too deep. Later on he told me that he was hung up in upset over his ex girlfriend (someone he was with for 2 1/2 years and helped to raise her daughter - even called him Dad). She had cheated on him about 6-8 months before I met him and broke up with him not letting him see her daughter anymore.He is 35 and has a previous marriage and this girl above in his history. I'll admit that our age gap is apparent sometimes in my naivety. I'm 9 years younger. About 2 years later we dated again, for 3 months, until we broke up before a trip to Chicago together. Similar situation.Last year we had a planned trip to Chicago together again just as friends and after I had bought my flight he told me he was taking someone else and I couldn't go. This person ended up being that same ex-girlfriend with the daughter.We've remained very close over the years, even with all that I have been through emotionally with him. He is the only one that I have wanted since the day I met him. I don't know why he is so special to me, but he is.This past August we went to Chicago again together as we have for the past few years and we hooked up. When we got back I expressed that I didn't want that relationship with him. A month passed and then he asked me out on an official date and told me that this time would be different because HE would be different, which 3 months later for the most part that's true and it's been wonderful.However... For Christmas I got him amazing gifts full of thought and effort. A robe from the hotel we stay in while in Chicago, some other household items he's needed, and a really nice espresso/coffee maker. I spent like $200 and 3 weeks of figuring it out. He loved the whole thing. Christmas Eve he told me he felt uncomfortable spending Christmas with my family, which I understood. Then I found out that he had sent this same ex-girlfriend and the daughter something in the mail for Christmas AND had lunch with a different ex on a workday (which he has never done with me and work close to each other). Christmas day came around and I got nothing... around 4:30 after spending the day with my family and him at home alone I got an eCard with his gift of an "upscale date" at a fancy restaurant.I feel completely insulted and taken for granted. I know that this time of year is hard for him, though he hasn't ever fully expressed why. I don't know what to do - do I have out an argument with him about it, do I stick around, do I let him go?How could he send me an eCard for Christmas and his ex an actual gift or real card in the mail the week before Christmas? He knew I was getting him gifts. He knew I was excited about it. I just feel very let down and I want to make things work with him, but I also don't want to make him feel like a P.O.S. for what happened on Christmas. How can he move forward with me if he's still trying to maintain something from the past?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Your flogging a dead horse here, so long as you are there in the background he will lean on you, use you, as his back up girl.
He isn't over his Ex, he appears to be holding out for her. He isn't giving you a 100% and is not invested in the 2 of you moving forward.
I hope you can see that you are wasting precious time and emotions on him, you need to let him go, move on with your life, find a man who will give you all he isn't.You can do it.
Good luck x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Why after few years try and error you are still with him? He is not over his ex and it seems he won’t be! The main focus is still on her! If he has a chance he will be back to her. Don’t waste your time just move on. There are lots of nice single guys out there. Enjoy your life honey when you find the right guy you will regret the time you had wasted with him!
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A
female
reader, XOLoveOX  +, writes (29 December 2011):
He is hung up on his ex a lot. If he doesn't let her go you should let him go. You know what they say: if you love someone set them free, and it they love you back the will eventually return. Hope this helps : - )!
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