A
female
age
30-35,
*nakay123
writes:I have been engaged to an amazing guy for a year, i really love him but there are a few things that i really don't like about him, one is that his a momma's boy who can't do anything without his mom's help and another is that he is not thinking about a future with me. He doesn't talk to me about moving out or anything he spends his money on unnecessary things and never has money to take me out, sometimes when we go out i have to pay because he doesn't have money. I'm afraid because i don't want to marry someone who is not responsible i need a man who i know i can move out with, my fiance is a very nice guy but i feel like I'm not getting nowhere with him. A month ago i met a friend who i been talking to, I really like this guy because he owns his own business and is a very mature guy who knows what he wants for the future. I only know him for a month and he already took me out to very nice places to eat and i didn't had to pay anything!. This new friend knows my situation with my fiance and he tells me i should leave him and that i need someone better in my life like him. I believe i deserve something better but at the same time i don't know what to do because my fiance really loves me and he says he can't live without me i don't want to break his heart but at the same time i don't want to be in a relationship where i'm not completely happy should i give this guy a chance? or stay with my fiance to see if things get better?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 December 2012):
 DON'T co-mingle these issues!!!!
Decide, first, if you are through with "Momma's boy"....
IF you are, then - and only then - can you consider if you want to spend time with this "second" guy....
It's easier to make TWO simple decisions than it is to blend together two simple decisions until that become ONE difficult decision!!!!!
Good luck....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2012):
 I think you need to stop and think. This new "friend" is taking you out on dates and that is OK by you and your fiance?
You share your relationship troubles with this "friend" and NOT your fiance?
If he is interested in you as more of a friend why wouldn't he "sabotage" your relationship? It seems ripe for it.
And in my book, what you are doing with this new "friend" is borderline emotional cheating. YOU are sharing private things about your relationship with a guy you have KNOWN 1 months...
In my opinion it is NOT your partners JOB to make you happy. YOU need to find your own happiness - though you certainly can share your happiness with a partner/spouse and share in HIS - but to RELY on another person to make you happy 100% of the time is unrealistic and a little un-fair.
You need to sit down and think real hard here. WHAT do you want? Do you see a future with your fiance? If not, why are you still there? Work on what you have or end it. Your fiance will not magically change into the guy you WANT him to be.
I have to ask as well, WHY are you engaged if he sees no future with you? The whole POINT of an engagement is to SHARE a common future in MARRIAGE down the line. Not just wear pretty rings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2012): Whatever happens, the bottom line here is that you're not happy in your relationship, and so shouldn't be thinking about marrying your fiancé. You shouldn't be getting married to a person who makes you feel this way, and you shouldn't feel as if you have to compromise your happiness to be with him.
You say he says he can't live without you, but at the same time, is he really living his life with you in mind? A healthy relationship isn't about him spending all his money on you, but it is about him prioritising you and doing things to make you feel desired and special. It seems that by spending all his money elsewhere and not thinking about a future with you, he's not making plans when really, having been engaged for a year you should be making plans.
Don't even think about anything with this other guy though - he's just confusing matters. It should be about you and your fiancé right now - but let's be blunt, if you're even *thinking* about another guy, that's a sign that things aren't working, and you really need to have a long talk with him about where your relationship is going.
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A
male
reader, learnNlive +, writes (10 December 2012):
Do what makes you happy and what you think will make you happy in the long run. Your fiancé might be 'heart-broken' but he will be better off with somebody who is totally commited to him.
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