A
female
age
41-50,
*ulialovesjohn
writes:Good day. I am in a committed, generally speaking, good working relationship, going on 3 years-living together for 2 1/2 years. We share a dog, I have 2 cats, he has a bird (we cannot have human children). We are both recovering addicts for 4 years and 7 years. Our differences in our individual 12 step programs play a key role at times in our problems. John, having grown up in a 'don't talk about it' setting (2 brothers have deceased, ages 7 and 24), has difficulty with being open and honest about things that bother him in our relationship. His behavior, at times, makes me feel that I want to move out and leave him back to his previous lonely, long term bachelor lifestyle. I asked John out on a date when I met him dressed as a woman, I knew him as a male friend for several months prior. We are both bisexual, I have always had a thing for cross dressers. he had been rejected for his lifestyle by nearly every woman he dated in the past. He is 50 and I am 32. Getting to the point- John is going through a passive aggressive phase with "nicole" (his female personality). He no longer involves me in dress up time, he isolates in his room, day after day-atleast weekends. Then he goes weeks at a time not dressing up-says he is not going to use that 'crutch', and be a crabby jerk! he even cheated on me by deceiving me one night when he went to a porn theater in Ohio, engaged in premiscuise oral sex and got/give me ghonerea recently. I have always told john that i do not want to deny him his sexuality, however, safe sex is a must and he refuses to use condoms! Now I am afraid to leave him home alone. He also seems to look for any flaws in our relationship. He has even told me 'it is just not going to work, why don't you leave...' then 1 hour to a couple of days he is back to his usual loving, caring self! I am very confused. Do I leave for a couple weeks, a month, permanetly? Do I pack every thing up? In my mind, he will appreciate me in my absence and I call his bluff. I truly, deeply want us to work and am willing to do what it takes, if it does not compromise my self respect. Suggestions please! Sorry about the typo's.
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cheated on me, condom, engaged, oral sex, porn Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (23 May 2008):
 One reason he may reject you is that part of the excitement he gets from his fetish is a fear of getting caught and rejected by others. This could be from an childhood imprint of his mother's panicked reaction to his playing with her lingerie. Your acceptance removes this excitement. Another reason may be that in his feminine form he wants to attract men to himself as a woman.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi Hunny,
I really had to think before I wrote anything that may be a help for you, As I was with a man that wanted to be a woman and I couldnt handle the situation, He to had a female personality, He was a very angry man because of this and got very abusive with me as he didnt like himself...At times he would be quite happy with himself and unhappy with me because I was a woman and other times he would just get angry because he didnt want to feel this way. I dont no if your partner is the same mood swings.
I no its a different situation for you as you are fine with this, But have you thought that sometimes he may not be....
And just wants to be one thing or another it must be very confussing for him at times.. I may be totally wrong, But its all abit mixed up with the porn thing is this with men Im taking it as that so I hope im not all wrong here.. This is such a difficult one to answer ive been pondering your situation all day.
The loss of his brothers must have had a terrible affect on him over the yrs being so young and having to come to terms with so much would I have thought be a real head basher, The sexuality issues you have no problem with I dont think you are the problem here its him that needs to address quite a few things that he may have just brushed under the carpet to try and get his mind into some sort of working order, Your acceptance of all these things dont leave you with a problem but he is trying to find flaws not in you but its within... hunny if you decide to stay or go I believe he would miss you because of your acceptance that would be hard to find again, But at the same time he is fighting with himself so either way he needs to talk with someone other than you a counsellor who may be able to peice together some of the difficultys he has with himself, almost like putting it all in order in his head as he seems very mixed up emotionally wise...And thats why you are feeling the way you are..Now I totally apologies if I have any of that wrong in anyway I wanted to try and put some light on this situation for you, I found this a very tough one to answer... I hope things work out well for you take care LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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