A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Should I leave my husband after 24 years of marriage? My husband has never been supportive of anything I have chosen as a career choice. I suppose one could say my choices are a little different to many people. I like to sing and I joined a pop rock band about 20 years ago, this new career choice was the right time for me because my children were old enough to enable me to do this. After a couple of years I became a solo singer and I was very popular working all weekends. I was at home during the week day evenings but my husband became more and more withdrawn, even though I tried to get him to talk to me. These circumstances eventually caused a huge break up, I d had enough and left for six weeks. When I returned we talked and I gave up the singing which made him happy! Now we have moved abroad to help us to become more financially better off, e.g. we don t have a mortgage anymore as we own our house here, and we don t have any debts. My husband is working as a builder because we do still need money to survive. I don t feel I have a life at all, well I have nt! I m seriously thinking about returning back to the uk where all my family and friends are and picking up where I left off. A big part of me wants to do this and another part of me is scared to be on my own. I do believe my husband loves me but there appears to be a lot of control issues, as soon as I become strong and independent he does nt like me. I suffer with m.e. occassionaly and he is really nice to me when I am in need and ill. What do I do?Roxanne
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female
reader, Elisiance  +, writes (17 December 2008):
 I'm sorry you've put yourself on the back burner for so long. Ulimatley these are HIS issues, not yours. You have a right to be a successful, independant woman (you'd think he would want that). It sounds like you have a lot of support back home and will be able to live a very full life on your own. On the otherhand, what about the love you have shared for 24 years? If you've been with him as a means of security only, well your not doing either one of you any justice.
If you aren't in the relationship for love then you really have to ask yourself the question "Am I living the life I want?"
Let him know how you feel and that in order to be the best YOU that you can be, that you need to do the things that you are passionate about. Otherwise you are merley existing. He may be intimidated aby the unknown "Who will she meet? What if she's successful and doesn't want me anymore?" Ask him what his concerns are and ease his fears.
If he truly wants the best for you and wants you to be happy, he will support you. It may take a little while for him to adjust, but he will. If he is not capable of being supportive of the woman he's been with for 24 years...well you have to decide if you want to continue to live the life he wants or if you want to live YOUR life.
As an artistic person, having an outlet for your creativity is very important...without it you will not be happy. Give him some time, let him know you are serious. Don't expect him to come to your shows, or your grand opening (or whatever it is)as this may not be his thing...but if he comes with "honey, you do whatever makes you happy." well that's all you can ask for. A supporter in the background is nice, and he may feel more inclined to participate when he see's what your doing is not as far out of his comfort zone as he had first thought.
Hope this helps!
Elise
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