A
female
age
30-35,
*sAbortionTheAnswer
writes:I'm not on here to be judged. I'm here to get honest heartfelt opinions from people who don't know me.Here is my story, I'm 18 years old, high school drop out, been through the bad and the good. My life is not one to be judged, I was in court battles between my parents for 12 years of my life, before that my father left when I was three to become stripper, before he decided to care for me, I never really knew him, I got taken from my mother Christmas day of first grade, I've been molested, I've been through it all.. maybe it fucked me up. Or maybe I would have been this way anyways. 9th grade I "fell in love at first sight" literally, I seen him and I loved him, we carried out our relationship on and off for 5 years, up until now where we are at a breaking point againtFor the last year I have been on and off with another guy, who was good to me at first, the fighting got worse, and we fight about everything, he is abusive, controlling and manipulative, I care deeply for him also.I became pregnant, 7 weeks and 6 days ago. I could guess with a 90% that it is my first loves. Though when I told him he said he is sterile .. honestly I think he is scared. He told me to get an abortion, though I'm scared to death and it is against my beliefs, he has a way of talking me into anything. I will admit I'm a liar, at first I said I would do it with or without him.. I told my current, and he was excited and ready to keep it. So yes I fucked up, this is why I'm here asking for help. Do I keep it and lie steal and cheat for my child, do it myself, raise it with an asshole who won't even let me finish school because he is afraid I will "meet" someone new, do I abort it? I'm here to be honest so please give me your opinion on what I should do, don't talk down to me, I've had enough in my life I need help and I need to get on the right path.I'm still in.love from 9th.grade Nd silly as it sounds, I always will.He told me to abort it and we would work on us, rebuild our once great relationship.I'm very depending on this other guy though, no matter how bad he treats me I'm still scared to hurt him. We live together, we share the same childhood horror. We both have our problems. Maybe its because he is one of three people who know my past besides this site. I have put my fate in your hands... I do need help. Please give me answers.This child did nothing wrong. I did.. I fucked up. The one I think is the.father doesn't want it, the one who does is a a bit crazy, and I don't think I could get it together fast enough to.do it alone.I've told my mother it all and she supports me either way, but my heart is torn.between my love and my child.Answers? Anyone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2011): Abortion; it's better for the child you are not in a stable postion to raise a human life in. I understand that you think it might be unethical, but you should consider it is also unethical to bring a child into an abusive and disruptive home, that isn't the best environment, with your background i'm sure you can understand that you would want your child to grow up in a stable happy home.
A
female
reader, IsAbortionTheAnswer +, writes (18 July 2011):
IsAbortionTheAnswer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow.. Thank you.
I know you are all right that I need to leave them both. I feel horrible about the baby, I would love to keep it, but it only ties me to them, and as mean and cruel as it is, I think getting rid of it may be the only way to move on myself.
I have an apointment to abort in two days, a ticket out of state on the following week. Yet I still can't decide if getting rid of it is right..
I know I could be a great mother, but is it selfish to decide not to be? I know I will regret giving it up, it will hurt but also feel like its best so I can move on and grow and get my life together.
I wish there was a way to not have to carry to term, but to give the baby to a family in need.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): Regardless whether you keep it or not you should get rid of both these losers and fast. I am all for abortion and I think you would be better off getting an abortion and staying the hell away from both of these men. But I don't want to tell you what to do. It's a tough decision, but one thing is for sure, you are much better alone. Go get an education and take control of your own life. Stop letting people walk all over you and tell you what to do. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (18 July 2011):
Since your whole life has pretty much been about other people deciding what's good for you, other people pulling you towards one side or another and taking advantage of you, stop for a moment and consider what YOU WANT in life.
Do you want to go to college? Do you want a boyfriend who supports your decisions instead of trying to get it his way all the time? Do you want to be a mom or do you feel you're not ready?
Think these things over well and be completely honest with yourself, even if what you really want seems impossible/unlikely. You're very young. You still have a whole life ahead of you and it's never too late to start over and chase your dreams. Even if you're a highschool dropout.
So think over what you really want in your life and make your decisions from that vantage point.
From where I'm standing your man doesn't seem like a suitable partner for you, nor a suitable dad if you choose to keep the baby. And let's be honest, bringing a child into the world without having found your own footing first isn't optimal. Your life will be devoted to that child and being this young and on your own will make it very hard.
My sister went through the same at 19 and her boyfriend left her even though just months before she was sure he was 'it' for her. She is now struggling financially and though she loves her child she keeps telling me she wishes she'd made more of her life. So think it over well.
Another option is to carry the baby full term and put it up for adoption if you really feel torn.
So the bottom line: figure out what you want and go get it. I can understand the complicated feelings you have for your boyfriend, as he is the one who knows your past and shares some of the same problems. But two people with similar emotional baggage are hardly a perfect match. It sounds like instead of complimenting eachother, he is dragging you down.
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): I have your background and I was also in your situation at 18! So I know were your coming from- I really do!
I didn't finish school either but ill give you my ending.
I went on to have the baby, stayed with my first love(the guy you've been with 5 years) ...up until 2 years ago when he decided girls and beer were more important than parenting.
I don't regret my child one bit, he is a godsend. 3 years ago(when my son was 3) I got a working 'apprenticeship' ie working(earning) and studying for my degree at the same time. There are so many choices available to you. I know your scared but it really isn't as horrific as you think. Having a baby alone is a hard task which is why you need to stick with your mum and ditch both of these men- neither are good for you and they will both drag you down and make things ten times harder.
I understand everything your going through which is why I urge you NOT to abort, have this baby, be a good mum and let your own mother help you. Once the baby is here she will be a very proud grandparent and extra proud of you for facing upto your responsibilties.
You will never regret having your baby, your little bundle of joy but you WILL regret an abortion.
I know you'll do the right thing for you.
Best of luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): I was abused as a child, although did not have as much as you did happen. I can't tell you what to decide for yourself, but I can share my experience. I found that I tended to be in relationships that were abusive in different ways, when you have been abused it tends to feel that it's normal even though it is definitely not normal and it's not love. I fell pregnant and was faced on whether to have the baby and get back with my abusive partner or abort it and move on. My thought was if he can claim to love me and be abusive to me, what will he do to a child that he sees as belonging to him. I made the decision to leave him, even though it was hard to do. I hope that maybe this helps a little and I wish you all the luck and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): This is a trainwreck of a situation and absolutely the wrong situation to have a child into. If you aren't too far along in the pregnancy then I say abort it. Abortion is not an easy thing to do but there are no easy option at this point.
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