A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering whether any of you are in my current situation?I don't really discuss this with anyone in my life, because I'm quite embarrassed by it.I'm in my late twenties and for the past nine years, I have worked in offices. I've worked in a variety of roles, some fixed term.. some permanent. I've worked for big corporates and little private companies. I've inevitably encountered the worst office politics imaginable.. and whichever office I work.. there's always those same people that set out to make others' lives a misery because they're so unhappy in their own lives.Last year, I finally got tired of hating what I do for a living.. hating the people I work with, and always feeling miserable. I'm happy in my life outside of work.. but I get so depressed being stuck in the same room all day, working with the same knitwits, that it leaks into my personal life.. and I'm a firm believer in not sticking around somewhere if you're miserable, because you only have the one life.Being one of those passive, helpful and approachable people.. I've been kicked around and taken advantage of during the course of my entire career! I finally had enough last year and studied journalism. Well, turns out when I put my whole heart and soul into something, I can excel. I topped my class and won the most special awards of anyone at my college graduation. I also received a formal congratulations from the city mayor for my achievements.Although I did well in my course last year, I thought writing, which is something I've always loved, would make me happy. I never aspired to BE a journalist, but thought the qualification may open up new, more creative job opportunities for me. I accepted an admin job at the end of the course (as there was NO journalism work around the country and I desperately needed the money) and half a year later, I'm still here.. and HATING life.I'm trying my best to find journalism work around the country and have applied for everything available, but haven't had any luck as yet. It's surprising considering I graduated with honours. But the thing is.. the thing that confuses me.. is that even last year, when I was achieving so much, I wasn't happy.. and I thought I would be. I was bogged down with stress, deadlines, pressure.. I was an anxious mess most of the time. I hated most of the things I wrote about and instead of thriving on the stress, I just used to seize up under the pressure. I excelled because I gave up my high paying job during the recession to do the course and the fear of failing kept me driven to succeed and prove everyone around me wrong! I had to work longer hours and spend triple the amount of time writing each of my stories just to achieve the same result of someone who ISN'T frozen with stress. I would burn the candle at both ends, going to bed at 2am and getting up to continue writing at 5am. Needless to say, not many fond memories, but the difference was that I was achieving something and FELT like I was finally proving I WAS somebody with talent!During my internships over the year, I realised journalism may look like a glossy profession, where you're out all day interviewing people.. but in reality, it's just another office job where you're stuck behind a computer screen, too bogged down with deadlines to cover anything personally.. and you end up doing everything over the phone. There's 200% MORE pressure and MORE bosses to answer to. I realised working in this environment, I'd probably burn out pretty quick. I'm doing everything I can to get work in the industry.. and people ask me everyday when I'm going to get work as a reporter or read the news on TV.. but I feel guilty that deep down I don't have ANY aspiration to do anything like that. I feel I'm only looking for work in the industry because I'm a talented writer and it's what I SHOULD be doing, not what I WANT to do. I feel like I have to FAKE my enthusiasm for wanting this :(I'm confused as to why I feel this way, when I excelled last year. A light turned on inside me, I was achieving something. Instead of having the drive to become a reporter, it's instead just made me realise that I can do whatever I put my heart and soul into and driven me to look further into what WILL actually make me happy.The HAPPIEST person I know is my beauty therapist. I really admire her, because she was a chef for many years, something she was very talented in.. but she got tired of the constant pressure she was working under, so she studied beauty. She's fantastic at her job, she can work her own hours.. she's a people person and therefore has a loyal client base. I keep thinking to myself that I'd love to try something like that. Something that would allow me the freedom to work hard and build something of my own, while still being able to take time out for myself. I'm never better than when I'm in the open air, going for a run, or a huge bike ride. I really do miss that being trapped in the office ALL winter and never seeing the light of day.In my mind, I toy with the idea of being a part-time massage therapist on the side, while writing children's books in my spare time. Does this sound like a fantasy life? Do I just sound malcontent in general? What's wrong with me? Am I just dreaming to think this perfect job exists for me? Why, when I excelled so highly in journalism, would I not have the ambition to use the skills I learnt? I beat myself up and tell myself I must be lazy, but believe me.. writing over 200 stories last year when the requirement is 30.. working for free for the press (extra, outside the course) for a year just to get my foot in the door.. I know there's not a lazy bone in my body.Is anxiety (which I am a regular sufferer of) just causing me to feel this way? Am I just looking for something safe? I need some outside perspectives.Any advice would be a help. Don't worry about being offensive, just be honest and let it all out!Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 The guy building a house throws away a brick the thinks he does not need. Only to realize, that brick is most needed to finish the house.You threw away the job you thought you did not need, and went on to build a life, only to realized you could use that job now. The problem was never the job.If you can not find happiness in everyday life and the things you do, even if they are routine, then you will have a very miseriable life. So you got awards for your journalism...Awesome! What awards did you get for love? I see you know how hate your job, the peoeple around you, and your life as it is.Your friend, the "beauty therapist" loves her costumers, and the people around her, and she is the Happiest person you know. Um...hint?You give a hate an inch, and it will soon consume you. Hating things and people is easy, loving is hard. WHY? Because people will always give you reason to hate them.When you wake up in the morning, you open your eyes, and your whole body works the way it should...Then it's a great start to the day. You are alive, you can smile and talk, laugh. How many people would trade with you?? Those who have to spend their lives in a wheel chair, and will never have your experiences.So love your life, job, and people around you. That my dear is the best job ever.
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