A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a guy who is 10 years younger than me. He's never been married he has no kids. I am divorced with three kids. I look amazing for my age, not that I'm old, but whenever I go out I get carded and everyone thinks I'm in my early 20's when I'm really in my 30's. My guy has said that he has dated older women in the past however it never seems to work out. He's quite mature in many ways where I can see why he chooses to date older girls.The problem is that he only asks me out every other week, if that. In the beginning he called me, texted me everyday! His texts were so sweet, first thing in the morning when he would wake, he'd text or call. Any time he would ask me out I would jump to see him.We would go out and have an awesome time then go home and have crazy sex. I have done things with this man that I never even did when I was married! We have the best sex ever! Now the dates are rare and the calls and texts come maybe every few days. And when I do hear from him its very basic and always about how his day was but never any questions about mine. So I decided to send him a text telling him I was done with all the crap. I told him i wasn't putting up with all this daily turmoil anymore. He then texted me and called me right away, telling me he didn't want me to stop talking to him. He promised he would work hard on being respectful and asking me out, he says I'm so beautiful he can't image not seeing me, blah blah!!!! What do I do? I feel like he's afraid becuz I'm a mother. He says that my age and being a mom has nothing to do with his not being around more. But I don't believe it. I need advice. Do I just move on? Do I just hang in there and wait for this guy to decide he wants to be with me. I love him!!!
View related questions:
divorce, move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (18 August 2009):
 This is the type of post where I feel that you probably need a bit of brutal honesty. You came for realistic and honest advice, right? Don't feel like I am singling you out, for I am not. Im trying to give you a dose of GrimmReality.Klara, to her credit(she is probably astounded I am giving her props, lol) has already begun the brutal honesty in the second paragraph of her response.Well you have a couple of strikes against you here. From your post, you begin by saying how "amazing " you look. Then you basically talk only about how torrid your sex is and you don't talk about any real dynamics of your relationship with him. You worry more about the frequency of his texts and that after you were angered by him he didn't want you to stop talking to him because you are so beautiful. You are basing this "relationship" solely on superficialities, sex and your vanity. Im sorry, but look at your post. In reality, what do you two have?SEXThats about it.You have 3 kids. he has none and is 10 years younger than you. His behavior is indicative of that time honored move that most guys pull when they are seeing someone that has multiple children. He likes you, and finds you attractive, he also likes the sex. But looks are not everything and he is realizing that a serious relationship with you comes with the kids as a mandatory package deal. Now this may seem just awful what I'm gonna say, but it is nothing personal against you, its just the nature of the beast. And it's the truthThe main reason he is pulling away is because he does not want a ready made family. I am sure he would be more than happy to continue this on a casual level as long as it does not turn serious. Im sorry but the lions share of childless guys that get involved with women who have kids end up feeling this way. Its just the way we guys are.You want a relationship, but you are way too focused on your own need to get your ego stroked by this guy. He would like to have a relationship if you didn't have those kids.So since he knows there is no way that can happen, he pleads with you to keep the communication open because of your looks.He wants the sex without the prospect of a family. You want sex with him because he is young and you need someone to tell you every day that you don't look your age and how hot you are, If that stops, you begin to doubt that anyone wants you. I think you have probably been down this road before where you may have dated a younger guy and then he got freaked out because of it. Basically its always been focused on one thing...just sex. And thats all you will have because your attitude is setting you up for failure every time.So with that, Id concentrate on worrying less about whether this guy is gonna call you or not. This is doomed on both ends, because in the end its simply physical to both of you and nothing more.Your post proves it beyond any doubt. I suggest you look for something in a man other than looks and youth. Try finding someone who will love you for you, for the good things you offer as a human being and who wont be so superficial to you, and with youBest of Luck
A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 well..despite of the big love you have for him.
You must remember the age difference is 10 years.. he's nice, he's romantic, he calls you everyday, text you everyday, telling you beautiful, crazy sex for days etc etc... in my opinion, they are the 20s age approach's style. That's why he sometimes dissapear and kinda unstable in the relationship...he's 20s, so his mind is a 20s years old man :)
Just think it carefully..if you just want him as your temporary relationship.. keep him. It's fun!
But for long term.. if i were you, i will forget him.
...............................
|
