A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i Dont kno what to do. When I was 14 this guy who used to come and fix things around the house when my mom called him .I knew this guy my whole life and he came around alot i was kinda poor and didnt have alot of friends but this guy was always nice to me.He comes over one day while my mom was out he said he had something to drop of for her i told him he she wasnt home but he called out for her after he started talking to me then he raped me. He told me if i told he would let everyone kno about my mom and how she sells drugs and she would go to jail and i would be on the streetI cried for three days i didnt kno what to do, then this guy came around again my mom was out again he told me to let him in he had to talk to me and he wouldnt hurt me he promised. I let him in and he was crying and he started telling me he couldnt sleep or eat he just kept thinking about what he did, i asked him why did he do it to me he said becuse he gets crazy around me he always had a thing for me and he tried to avoid me all these years he told me my mother said i was gonna be away this summer at camp.I told him i was supposed to go but i go everyyear and wanted to stay home this year.He told me hes really sorry and begged me not to tell. He said he couldnt go to jail he would kill himself hes felt terrible and ashamed.He said its the worst thing he ever did in his life he didnt deserve to live thats what he said.I told him i wouldnt tell he asked me why its because i didnt kno what to tell or how or who i didnt really want any one to kno i didnt want any thing to change.I told him i hated him but i really didnt. i didnt have any feeling at all.He told me he would try and make it up to me i asked him how he said what ever i wanted him to do he told me what ever i needed just ask.he told me he would tell me who my father was who i never met my mother said he was dead. over the years hes always been there for me like he said he would he always ask if I need some money if i say no he says well take this any way. He gives my mother things to give me.He bought me a car I needed one to get to work i didnt tell him though i guess my mom did. Ive had a few boyfreinds but nothing that lasted been cheated on many times and bad physically abusive relationship plus i think this guy makes them jealous.Im 19 now and starting my second year of college.A few weeks ago this guy comes around he says he needed to talk to me we started to talk and he tells me he wanted to thank me for giving him a second chance he told me i saved his life . i asked him how he said if it wasnt for me he would have never stopped using drugs. He said he was high at the time and he had feelings for me but not ones that would make him hurt me. he said he quit after that and has been clean for years.He told me hes been with many women but heres only been one that been with him he points to his heart and smiled at me. I told him i forgave him along time ago he could go live his life i could look out for my self now. he said he would marry me, hes not asking to marry me he just wants me to kno that he would and he wanted to be the first to tell me that.My question is do you think its rite for me to accept these gifts over the years, was it wrong not to tell could this guy be genuine and would it be wrong for have feelings for him. its ironic that the person who hurt me most has been there for me the most. Sorry for the length but thanks for any advice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2009): Thanks for the advice. this guy is 26 he was yung when it happened i was more in shock then mad. once agian thank you all ill think about what you have to say.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 August 2009):
 I can't say that I think you did the right thing in not reporting him, but I can understand your reasoning as to why you didn't.
If you feel the gifts are inappropriate then give them back. I think him giving you gifts is his way of atonement for his crime. And yes raping a 14 year old a crime - BIG TIME. You do not RAPE or hurt someone you truly loves. This man has a VERY skewed view of not only the world but love. He IS a SICK man. He might have quit drugs, but something is quite wrong with his head.
However, I think you need to remember what he did and cut the contact - it is NOT a healthy relationship in any way form or shape. That you have been able to forgive him is a major thing, but have you forgiven yourself? Have you had any kind of counseling? Rape can distort a woman view of her own sexuality, her self worth, her self esteem.
It sounds almost like a variation of "Stockholm Syndrome".
As I see it you need to move forward and NOT with that man.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): I was in similar position, molested as a boy, guy lived next door, never mae an issue of it though but still see him and pretend to be firends so I know ho hard it can be and how you can feel like your living a lie.The only answer I can give you is that I feel that your emotions and feelings right now are like a ball of wool, you really have no idea what to do, part of you wants to hurt him, part of you wants to forget him, part of you likes him because he has been true to his word.I think you definitely do need to talk to someone you trust, friends, counsellor, etc and talk this out. It may not change anything physically but you will come to acknowledge and accept the past.As for forming a relationship with him, I dont think so , ever, youll never forget what happened , he needs to realise that there can never be real love betweenye because the trust is gone.I wish you well. Look after yourself and learn to love yourself.
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