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female
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*lasia
writes: Having real trouble getting over a guy...Ok I'll try and keep this short; just before Christmas last year this guy started at my work. I found out from a workmate that he liked me and at first didn't believe it as I'd barely spoken to him (he works during the day and I'm usually on the evening shift) but the next day he texted me after getting my number from the diary at work. We texted quite a bit after that then arranged to meet up over christmas. His mum lives near me and he went to stay with her for xmas so we met up on christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day, going for walks and chatting. We got on really well and he sent some really sweet texts saying things like "you made my christmas special and I wanna say thanks" and "will you be in my life in 2006". Then after I'd worked a 10 hour shift one day he texted and said he was depressed because of work and life hassles, depressed cos we hadn't even kissed yet, and could I go over to his house. I did even though I didnt really want to and it went really badly - I was moody and quiet and ended up leaving early. I texted him straight after apologising and he said just because we didnt get on one night it doesn't make any difference. But it did. After that he was a bit more distant with me, but I thought I still had a chance as he'd still flirt. Then last month the woman who'd first told me this guy liked me started asking really personal questions - whether we'd slept together yet, etc., then when I told her it was none of her business she got funny and a week later a note turned up at work. It was made to look like it was from me; saying (my name) loves (his name) and other childish scribble. I denied I'd written it but andy chose to believe her without even asking me about it and we didnt speak for about 3 weeks. We're on speaking terms now but I feel awkward whenever I'm around him. I miss him when he's not at work and I'd love to meet him out of work to talk things through but he won't. Now I've found out he's moving to a town 2 hours' drive away in a few week's time and I'm gutted. I'm having real problems getting over him - he's the first guy in about 2 years that I've 'connected' with and I thought we could have had something special. I ned to know whether to let him go or try and 'win him back', and how to go about it. Any advice is appreciated.
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female
reader, juliagulia  +, writes (2 March 2006):
 I agree with the other opinions here. I know you felt a connection, but it doesn't seem that he is feeling the same way and unfortunately, sometimes that is one-sided. If he really liked you, he would believe that you didn't write that stupid note. It is probably better that he is going to be gone at least for a while so you can try to move on. Good luck!
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female
reader, Inflirtatiousbabes +, writes (2 March 2006):
well i don't think that guy is seriously interested in you, i just think he wants to flirt,i think you shold move on becaused he is not even given you anytime to talk things through with him. I think you have tried enough move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): I am sorry this has happened to you, dear. His choice to believe this other girl over you (re: the note) should tell you, to just leave this whole 'messy situation' alone. He trusted her more than you. What her motives were, is hard to say but she did interfere. (did she want him?) To me, it really sounds like you were in the midst of some very insincere, people who 'play mindgames' and have no respect for other people's feelings and emotions.
What it comes down to though-if he doesn't want to talk this over-there really is nothing you can do. You can't force someone to have feelings for you. But the most critical thing to learn from all this, is how you process the rejection, how long you allow yourself to hang on, how much you address your own feelings of sadness. That is what is important for 'you' to go forward. It would be easy to tell you-to move on and forget him. But we all know-it's not easy, is it? But trying to win him back, trying to talk to him about the relationship is a lost cause. If anything he will feel pity, not true feelings for you. Being persistent to let him know how much they he is liked will simply comes across as you being desperate and annoying to him.
The best thing to do right now..keep your pride intact and address what could've contributed to the 'demise' of this relationship. Don't be hard on yourself, accept yourself as human, try to forgive the past (forgive them and forgive yourself) and move towards your new life one day at a time. Learn from this and be careful, in the future.
Move towards creating the best you. A healthy, happy, successful you. You will find that special someone someday. Just give this time to sort out but do not call that man! Just do some soul searching and try to find out what's at the core of your deep need to have this unresponsive, unavailable guy, back in your life. Think about that and I wish you the best of luck. Take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, alasia +, writes (2 March 2006):
alasia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm. You see my common-sense head says I should let him go - he's moving because he's being transferred to another store (he was only taken on temporarily to cover the existing manager's maternity leave) but as far as I know the transfer is only for 6 months - not sure what he's doing after that, I'd ask but don't want to make it seem like I'm asking because I'm desperate for him to come back, or whatever. How do I tell whether he still likes me?
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (2 March 2006):
 WEll if it was me I would let him go, you have tried several times with him and he just wont listen to you.
He is moving and after a while may get a job nearer to his home so just let this one go.
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