A
female
age
36-40,
*kveens
writes:Hi I don't know if I should break up with my boyfriend or try and make it work? I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend nearly 4 years (he is 25.) We are mostly happy but have broken up a few times, and have had periods of intense arguing and violence. However we usually get on so well that we both feel that its worth sticking together.Recently I have discovered many things that alter my feelings for him a lot, but I am not sure what I can do. I am not proud to admit this but I broke into his email and facebook account, and read many horrifying things there (to me).We are currently traveling in Australia, and he has sent messages to his friends claiming to have slept with dozens of women since he has been here. I confronted him and he claims that this is male bravado and he is just bragging to his friends,which I find disgusting and disrespectful. Furthermore, there were many messages about me, saying how he can't wait to break up with me and calling me very rude names.After we spoke about this I agreed to a clean slate and to try and put this behind us, but there is more! He went away for a few weeks with a friend, and I saw that he had claimed that he had sex with several other women then. To me he says this isn't true...but he did kiss someone...Understandably I find it impossible to trust this man. He wants to go on a lads holiday to thailand, with one friend in particular who is an abomination to the human race. This guy has assaulted me in my own house, takes every drug possible, picks up hookers, sleeps around, etc, all while he has a girlfriend. I do not want my boyfriend to see this person, as when they are together they are even worse. However my boyfriend thinks that I am controlling him and that I should let him go, regardless of the fact that I know that they are both planning to sleep around, pick up prosititues and take hard drugs. He has continued to say bad things about me to his friends, who all dislike me anyway because every time we argue he tells them his side of the story, so obviously they encouage him to dump me. But he won't, I think partly because he is too much of a coward to do it, and also because he wants a nice girlfriend who cooks for him as well as to be able to sleep with anyone he fancies.My problem is this: do I just let him go and forget him, or do I keep trying to make this work? I can't walk out immediatley (tempting as it is) as we share a house and I cannot afford to move. I still love him but I can't cope with his behaviour and the way he has no respect for me.please help! thanks.
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female
reader, beth09x +, writes (29 July 2009):
Let him go. I know its hard but it has to be done. Theres plenty more lads out there. Go find them:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Girl let him go its obvious that its already over. Hopefully ur renting and if that's the case just pack up and leave before it gets worse
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A
female
reader, mt7300  +, writes (29 July 2009):
Usually this would be an obvious desicion to some people, but I can understand how much difficult it is to dump someone you've been with for so long. You need to ask yourself if you can see yourself happily married to this man some day. You can't change the past and these little questions of what's true or not will always be in the back of your mind.
There is NO excuse for him to talk crap about you to anyone. If he loved you as you deserve he wouldn't even think of that. If he talks that way I think he isn't completely happy, just like you. But he probably likes the stability of having a girlfriend. Some people are scared to be alone and having a girlfriend makes him feel safe. He doesn't deserve to have any girlfriend at this time, he is too imature. He just wants to party and have sex with everything. Leave him, he is a loser. I know it's easy to say that when your not the one in the actual relationship, but he doesn't deserve you. Find someone who will treat you right, he's out there somewhere.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (29 July 2009):
 I'm sorry to say this but there is no point to this relationship, he is walking all over you and I cant understand how you have lasted so long with someone who shows you so little respect!
If he wants to go around sleeping with whoever he likes and going off on lads holidays then let him, just dont be around when he gets back.
I'm not sure what your situation is with your house - if you have bought the house together then the simple thing to do is sell it (or have him buy your half) and move out. If it is rented and there is a contract, then do you live near family who could let you live with them rent-free for a while? Or can your boyfriend afford to move out and back in with family?
I was in a situation like that - I just couldnt put up with my boyfriend anymore so we split up but were renting a flat together. We split up at the end of Jan but the contract didnt end until June 15th - those were the worst few months of my life and I advise you strongly against doing it if you possibly can avoid it. I wish I had just moved back home with my mum and dad (even if it meant quitting my job!) or that I had made my ex leave (his mum and dad lived in the same city so it would have been an option, but I was just too nice!). We had a horrible few months of arguing, meeting new people was a nightmare, it was like a prolonged breakup over 4 months and I would not do that ever again!
There is always a way around your living situation, you just have to look at all your options and work something out. Even if it means living with friends, living with your family etc, you will find a way around it. My only saving grace when I went through that was the weekends, I would go back to my parents every weekend to get away for a bit!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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