A
male
age
,
*yonsdown
writes:I don't have to get up early, but on 4 days a week my partner does have to.She doesn't like me going to bed at a different time as her.The thing is, it's very rare I want to stay up watching TV in the living room when she goes to bed.If it was all the time I'd understand, but it's literally once a month or so (usually to watch US golf or World Cup football, which both finish about 1am UK time).She says I disturb her when I come to bed. but I make sure I'm washed and changed already, so I just creep in and go to sleep.Besides, she has 2 kids aged 23 and 21 living at home, who often come home in the early hours or text her at 1-2am to tell her whether they're coming home or staying out (which,of course, disturbs my sleep). Also,she often gets up when they get home to ask them how their evening is, thus disturbing me if I'm asleep.Her answer is she worries about her kids, so has to get up when they get home.So why's it ok for her to be disturbed by them 3-4 days a week, but not ok for me to creep into bed doing my best not to disturb her, once a month or so?
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (4 July 2014):
It's perfectly fine for you to stay up, you're a grown man and she isn't your mommy. Sometimes we all need quiet and alone time. Also, it is wrong for her to try and dictate your bedtime.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 July 2014):
 NO it’s not OK to disturb your sleep for her Adult children can text at a sensible hour! As if her ADULT children don’t know if they’re coming or going before 1 AM! It’s flippin’ ridiculous!
Personally I don’t like my sleep broken after years of shiftwork; sleep is precious and I loathe alarm clocks! Yet I love it when my partner gently slips into bed so that I turn and cuddle into him, place my hand over his... and I’m off to snooze-land again :)
But unless there’s an emergency etc. the kids know to call us at a respectful hour!
If your partner wishes to baby her ADULT children in this manner then suggest to her that she ask them to at least text etc. way before 1 AM! She’s entitled to worry sure enough... Furthermore you take up the couch, or spare bedroom and leave her sleep.
Alternatively, would a TV be any good in your bedroom, volume on low/mute? Give her a mask if the flickering light disturbs her.
CAA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): So just sleep on the couch or the spare room. Bring down a blanket or something. That's what I'd do.
You say it's only once a month or so, so there's no big deal with spending one night a month in the spare bed or couch.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (3 July 2014):
Have a talk with her to figure out what exactly about you going to bed later than her about once a month bothers her and how you guys can compromise to fix it.
Is it that she doesn't like getting woken up? Seems unlikely since she gets woken up regularly by her children - but IF that is the case, would she be open to you crashing on the couch that one night a month so she wouldn't be disturbed.
Or is it that she doesn't like/has trouble falling asleep without you next to her - then would the two of you be open to you cuddling her until she falls asleep and then quietly getting up to watch TV.
What you are asking for is very reasonable, so hopefully the two of you can come to a compromise. It's very unlikely that any couple will ALWAYS go to bed at the same time every night.
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