A
male
age
41-50,
*ertogada
writes:We were married for more than 8 years. Neither of us have complained about our friendship with opposite sex. But recentlly there is a guy she befriend. I don't know exactlly why but I don't like their friendship. I told her my feeling. She said it is just in my mind. But I can't forget to think about it. They call and meet almost everyday. Now she delete the calls ( specially the dialed ones) and texts. If he calls her any time she go even if she is with me. She said he is her customer. I can't accept it cause I don't see what makes him a special customer. I don't have proof but I feel there is something or something will happen. If he doesn't call her, she will. I ask her why she call him if he doesn't. She says he is a friend who calls her everyday and just want to check if everything is ok. Last night I asked her to go out but she was not interested and when he called her she went out. I got disappointed and am not talking to her after that and she is not trying to make up or to say sorry.My question is do I have the right to ask her not to contact him so frequentlly or am I over reacting??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): simple: your wife has made a decision that her "customer" is more important than you. does she have a boss? query with the boss what her work expects of her.she is having an affair with this man, whether sexual or not, only she can answer.dont take her sh!t anymore. time for you to put your foot down. in all likelihood you know in your heart what she is up to.have you thought of following her? have you spoken to her friends? family?by keeping quiet to her blatant disrespect of you, you allow her to "control" you.next time this other man phones, snatch the phone from her and confront him. slow him you are not afraid. what do you have to lose anyway? nothing, she has already disinvested in you and your marriage.i think bec you have been so accepting and so good turning a blind eye, she has been rubbing her lover in your face????try this: become vocal. yes, discuss your concerns with others. tell them your observations. do not still be a coward. make a noise about her "relationship" with this man. tell everyone concerned what she has been doing. basically rat her out to her friends and family. she is never going to admit her affair. why bother about her reputation when she is not bothered about you.start by:being vocalspeaking to her boss/workdiscuss her activities with common friends and familymake it known that you are on to her.she will say you are crazy, your concerns are unjustified, the usual bull. but start being proactive. start a "smear" campaign and then see her feel the heat.you have nothing to lose but you need to smoke her out.good luckLoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): you are not over reacting at all. you have every right as her husband to ask to stop interacting with this man. obviously it is making you feel insecure and with good reason. once you feel insecure, you will then feel doubt, once you feel doubt, you will grow more suspisous, then you will feel betrayed..... this will ALL impact your relationship significantly for the worse and things will go downhill. once you loose trust in your partner, its hard to come back from it. like the say, once the seed of doubt is planted, it grows!
to be honest is sounds like your wife is acting out a fantasy. instead of having a physical affair, she is having an emotional one. it is all exciting for her. its a thrill for her to be pursued and desired by another man, it probably makes her feel sexy, wanted and needed.
if I were you Id get the situation under control before it gets out of hand. if you love her and are passionate about your relationship, then show her some passion. show her how you feel and remind her of why you are married, why she chose to spend the rest of her life with you, and not some other man.
be a man, step in and take charge!
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (13 January 2011):
 What you have described indicates to me that there is more going on here and she's acting defensively.
Do you have the right to ask her not to contact him? Yes.
Should she oblige you? Yes
There is something more going on here than just a business contact. If I were you, I'd try to set up an account on your cell phone provider's website and you can usually view the call histories there. That should provide you with the number and duration of the calls. You may also be able to request transcripts of their texts as well. If she is on a PC a lot, you may want to install software that performs screen captures which will allow you to view emails.
Also are there other signs of cheating? Has your sex life diminished? She seem happier, perhaps? A little more angry at you? These could also be red flags.
Finally, you could call the guy / customer yourself and tell him that you are her husband and want to know what's going. This is a pretty bold move and could paint you in a pretty bad light, so only use as a last resort.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): as a woman with a current "special friend" I can tell you 100% you are not over reacting. I have told my husband he has the right to tell me not to be friends with my friend... but he won't do that.... but I think he has the right. I'd be angry and I'd be hurt and I might even continue to have contact with the guy behind my hubby's back if he asked.... but my husband is very broad minded and is very aware of my connection to this other guy and is letting me play it out.
sounds very much like she's got an emotional affair going on....
if she does not have your permission to so this then it's cheating.
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A
male
reader, dertogada +, writes (13 January 2011):
dertogada is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I'm not accusing her of cheating. I just feel she gave him more attntion than normal. I affraid her draging herself in to emotional affair. Today I asked her if she will reduce her contact with him if I do feel so, she replay "NO" rightaway, because "nothing happened, it is all in my mind". I don't want to be a contoling husband. Is the problem with her or me being controller?
OMG, I want to forget it but something deep down tells me not to!!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (12 January 2011):
 You're not overreacting. Her behavior shows you that he is more important than you. You need to sit her down and tell her how this is making you feel, and that if she doesn't address it, it is going to cost her your marriage.
There is a fine line between friendship and something else. In my eyes she's crossing that line.
I hope you two can work through this, but she needs to realize that she cannot ignore your feelings, nor can she keep doing what she's doing without there being consequences.
Do not accuse her of cheating, but see how she would feel if you were behaving like she is.
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