A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My man and I have been together for over 6 months. When we first started hanging out we hit it off so well he hardly went home. Then I had a stalker calling me, telling me where I lived, trying to pretend he was the pizza man to get me to open the door, telling me what I ate for dinner....it was scary. When all that happened my man offered to stay with me so I wouldn't be alone. We said he would stay about 2weeks so this jerk would see i have a man around now and hopefully go away. Even though we only knew eachother a couple weeks I agreed. He made me feel safe and I was falling for him hard. So we spent the first month eating , sleeping , and in bed lol All the while he had his apartment with his younger brother to go to if anything went wrong. He offered to help with bills but he's in the process of starting his life over on the right track, and doesn't make much money so I refused the help. Now its been 7 mo. He asked to move in together and I said we would try after the summer if we were getting a long better (because we have had a very rocky 7 months) Then he didnt go home for 2weeks in a row, I gave in and let him move in. Things were good for 2 more weeks and then we got into the worst fight we had ever had. I kicked him out. I took him back after a couple days but didn't give him a key or let him bring his stuff back to the closet. I told him after he went to anger management then we could try again. He again has not gone home at all. He hates being at his brothers because his mom is now there (recovering from surgery) along with his other brother and its cramped. I don't know what to do becuase I'm really not ready to live with him again, not untill I know things will not get violent and scary when we disagree. Ive been unable to work and the bills are piling up. He tried giving a couple hundred dollars towards bills. I feel like I deserve it due to him being over all the time and I drive him everywhere in my car and my gas money....but I feel like if i take the money it's like telling him it's ok to move back in which I'm not ready for. He always thinks I'm talking to other guys because I used to in the beginning of our relationship so I think thats why he wants to be over every night. He doesn't trust me at all. Should I take the money?? And if I do, do I not have the right to tell him to go the heck home sometimes?
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (3 June 2011):
 being jealous to this extent is NOT a sign that someone 'loves you so much' so don't be fooled. its a sign that he thinks you have no self control and can't be trusted and you don't deserve the respect to be believed when you say you are faithful. its all about him having issues with himself and wanting to take ownership of you to try to make himself feel better about himself.
to be recorded in your own home and have someone text you to as a sort of test are in my opinion dumping offences. you are obviously a lot more tolerant (or scared to be single?) than i am. him being young and good looking is not much good if he has got this BAD personality.
he is not making you happy, he is doing plenty of things to make you miserable though and i am actually worried about your physical safety. and yes, the more you have told us about him - i am convinced that he is sneaky and twisted enough to have set up the 'stalker' situation as a way of manipulating you to let him move in. there are millions of men in the world that you could be with, why are you settling for someone like him??
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionuggggg! I feel your right some days then other days I don't. Maybe thats part of the love being blind thing? I'm not perfect by far, he's caught me talking to other men on the phone, online etc. which is his reasoning for flying off the handle, because "he loves me so much" Every time I think things are good he does something weird.....last night he went to the store and recorded me while he left, then came home and felt bad about it and told me how stupid he felt. He thought because we were together all day if I was talking to another man I would use the opportunity to hurry and call him while he was gone? Then the day before he had someone text me to see if I would lie about it....and I did lie about it, because he gets crazy. I've tried to leave him but then I miss him so much....He's very good looking and younger than me, and could get another woman in an instant. I'm just afraid to throw him away because I haven't felt like this about any man since I was 19. I started to think I was going to be alone for the rest of my life until I met him because every guy I met just didn't do it for me....oh and my mom thinks the same thing about the stalker being something to do with him....that was weird you said that.Thanks for the responses guys
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (3 June 2011):
yep. take the money for back pay of what he owes you and then DON'T let him move in. how can you want to be with someone who has been violent and scared you? he's got plenty of excuses why he wants to live with you but i think the real reason is to (like you said) keep an eye on you and make sure you don't have other men but also to mooch off of you. sorry but he sounds like really bad news, even this early in your relationship and i actually believe the 'stalker' may have been something to do with him too!
boyfriends asks to move in after knowing you for a matter of weeks - stalker appears - you're scared so you let your boyfriend move in. magic!
and then you spend all your time eating, sleeping and in bed together?? has your boyfriend got a job? i am sorry but a real grown up man would do more than 'offer' to pay bills - he should've MADE you take the money.
sorry but it sounds like he's using you
x
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (2 June 2011):
 Hey Ms. America, Going to be super honest here...your apartment, your bills....vs angry dude who needs anger management classes...plus he is jealous and controlling. Ummmm I would say end this right now unless you want to be on the 7 o clock news and a statistic.Once he starts contributing to bills and the normal operation of house and car...he has a financial investment in things....and then it will be even worse, he will feel he runs the roost.Please take my stupid advice....I have been in that kind of relationship before...a broken jaw, black eye and broken ankle later ( many years ago when a police officer put sense into my head )....I can tell you...it will only get worse. He will not change...at all. Good Luck
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