A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello.My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me less than a week ago. And the worst part is that in 10 days I have my final exams and it's affecting me greatly, but I'll explain why we broke up.We argued a lot, over the stupidest things. It was mainly his fault for being intolerant, even though he didn't recognise this until the very end: he was always calling me immature and in the end it was him being immature. I recognise sometimes I acted like a kid, and sometimes he didn't like that.Then, he decided he wanted to break up. He says that, at the moment, doesn't see himself coming back, but maybe, in the future, if things work and we're both willing, he'd give it another chance.As a note, he's scared of commitment, he has implied that I was clingy and too dependant from him, when I've never pushed him. I am affectionate, but I don't think I've ever pushed him.Finally, he told me that he still loves me, but we just don't match, and unless in the future we have both changed, things will never work.Could you please give me a few tips on getting back together with him, or at least help me understand what he means? Do I have any chances?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 June 2010):
That shows how little he cares. And the chopstick thing kind of shows how immature and uncaring he really is. This guy isn't worth it at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that it might not work...
One thing I can't forgive is that if he cared so much about me, he shouldn't have done this right before my finals.
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A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (6 June 2010):
Well sweetie its only been a week so give it time. He might miss you , dont contact him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 June 2010):
There are too many red flags, and I know you want it to work out, but the thing here is that he is a commitment phobe. He's said neither of you match, and that he's scared of commitment. He's pretty intolerant and seems to have been expecting too much of his own way. I just don't think this will work out between you two.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the answers.
As for not talking to him- I'm trying so hard not to, but I have temptations...
I know that things haven't worked and that's the reason that we broke up, but I am in love with him and I can't see beyond that... I can only wonder if it will work if we try again...
The bad thing is we're in the same group of friends and I have to see him. I will say "hi" but I won't go and talk to him.
What bothered me, days after breaking up, is that we were joking and he tried to pick my boob up with a pair oh chopsticks. I felt kind of offended.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I might not relate to your situation completely. But my bf and I broke up before 3 months and it was right before my midterms. Firstly hun, what you need to do is just focus on studies. Your ex is not going to run away somewhere, he is going to be there for you to talk with once your exams are done. Tell yourself that you can't do that to yourself and your studies and that you need to study because you love urself. Don't love someone so much that you fail to love yourself and your priorities in life and right now education should be on top for you.
My ex didnt wanna get back with me too. Although I did. We would meet, talk, call, talk and end up arguinggg
and me crying about how much i care and how much he doesnt get it. And trust me it gets so dramatic and crappy, you will end up crying and feeling bad. And no solution will come off. Now that he has told you, right now nothing could happen. Just try to not keep in touch with him at all. Don't talk to him at all. Show him you have some elf respect and focus on studies. Silence is the best treatment in this case. If he contacts, only talk then and don;t act like youre all miserable without him. Act like it has affected you so badly tht you don;t even wanna talk about it. And trust me, this will make you feel sooooo good. Then you can study.
After your exams are done, do whatever you feel about it. I would say just refrain from talking till he talks to you.
And till exams, dont wry or cry, eat lotsa icecream, watch movies in your breaks between studying and justt relax..
there are more important things in life such as studies than bfs.
I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 Its called a break-up because the relationship is broken, not working, not functional etc.. You don't match and that's a major, major reason why people break up in the first place. Why chase him if you guys don't match? You'll just end up hurting yourself more than you need to and even if you do end up getting back together, he'll just break up with you again if you haven't changed.
So you can either try to change yourself and your personality over time in hopes of winning him back or just move on and find someone who you're more compatible with. It seems like a no-brainer to me.
Best of luck :)
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