A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Have any of you ever been in a relationship where you feel like you are no longer going out with your partner yet nothing has been said by the other person? For the last year I have felt like my boyfriend, who is in his mid-thirties, is completely uninterested in me. We never spend any time alone together anymore which I feel is a really bad sign. My boyfriend always seems to organise functions where there are always other people around. I have no idea why he is doing this and because there are always other people around I cannot confront him about this. Yet he seems to insist everything is ok. I have felt for sometime there is something going on in the background, possibly even another woman, but I have absolutely nothing concrete at all. It may even be the fact that this is a LDR or the fact that we have had sexual problems that is making me think these thoughts. He has been working very very long hours lately in an attempt to save his money so we can move in together, yet he doesn't suggest we start looking and has, in fact, just bought a new car. Whenever I make a suggestion to go out, he is very hesitant, almost like he has to check with someone else first. I have asked him twice if he wants to attend my friends' wedding with me in a few weeks and he still hasn't given me a definite answer. I feel rejected by his behaviour and also very cross, because not only is he messing me about he is messing one of my dearest friends about which is totally unfair. I feel so let down as this is so different to the man I knew before. I don't know if this is a blip or terminal - do I hang on in there in the hope it is a blip or end the relationship? I feel like I'm in limbo.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): Tell him you are unhappy. Tell him all of this. Communicate.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Hi there,
You say this has been going on for a year. I do think this relationship is in trouble if not already over. The fact that he can't make a committment to you for a wedding speaks volumes. He is also making excuses for why the two of you can't go out and then he went and bought a car. I believe one of two things are going on. He is either unsure of what he wants with you for the future-thus he will hang onto a thread "just in case" he figures out you are the one. Or, he has already left the relationship and is trying to let you down easy or allow you to figure things out on your own.
Either way this relationship is missing a key component, communication. It's not there and you are left to fit peices together; to make assumptions and to be feeling insecure about what you should be enjoying.
I can not say what I would do in your shoes because we don't always think clearly when we are involved but from my vantage point, I would try to get the guy talking about his feelings, reservations, etc. If he refuses to talk then I think you need to let go. This is not the relationship you wanted or signed up for and it's just not fair for you NOT to move on and find someone who will talk about your future and be able to make plans with you two weeks out.
Best of luck to you.
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