A
male
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anonymous
writes:Hello, well me and the girl i was seeing broke up a week ago, and im really starting to like her best friend, the girl i was seeing noticed we where getting closer and asked 'i see you and .... are getting close' then i said to her that i wouldnt get with her, even tho i want to, because of their friendship, and she said she didnt care, but im scared because i dont want their relationship to be messed up because of me. what can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): ok well this can be pretty confusing and really depend on the two girls personalities. i can honestly say the exact same thing happened to me around a week or two ago. i went out with this guy then broke up with him. a week later i noticed him and my close friend were getting closer so i asked him about it and he lied and said that nothign was happening. when i found out they were going out i was so pissed at the girl but turned out in a day or two it blew over and now i've hung out with them a bunch of times and things work out great. i didnt even like the guy to begin with i just kind of felt bad so it all worked out.
Knowing girls, if you ask out your ex's best friend, your ex will be hurt and pissed at the both of you most likley. I think if you believe you really like her best friend you should give it a chance and if its meant to be it will work out. Chances are they will get in a fight but if there best friends it will definetly blow over. i think if you really like this girl you should give it a chance. best of luck.
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reader, stina  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 Hi Anon,
Well this can be a pretty difficult situation. I can imagine that you don't want to hurt your ex, but you still want to move on, right?
Because you and your ex just broke up about a week ago, she might just be saying that it wouldn't bother her if you were to get together with her friend. Why? There are a few reasons. She...
1. really doesn't care.
2. might think she won't care.
3. wants to believe she won't care.
4. doesn't want you to know that she is still hurting.
5. doesn't feel right telling you who you can and cannot date.
6. any combo of the above.
So thinking about those reasons might help you figure out what to do. You would probably know which of those would fit her best. I just thought I would write down my thoughts so that it could help you with your decision.
Also what makes a difference is who broke up with who. If she broke up with you or if it was a mutual break up, I think you should feel more comfortable with starting a relationship with this other girl. But if you broke up with your ex, then I wouldn't do it, at least not yet.
So if you really don't think that it would hurt your ex, then I say to get together with this girl and go have fun! If you are unsure, then I say to remain friends with this girl and see where it leads (because you did only break up a week ago).
If you do end up dating this girl, then you have to be prepared for your ex to freak out. Sometimes people don't realize how hurt they'll be until they actually experience the situation. You need to figure out beforehand if that will determine what happens. Because not only would it make you feel bad, but it would definitly make their relationship sour. And that's a lot to think about and possibly take on.
If I were you, and things ended with your ex pretty smoothly, I'd take things slowly with the new girl. Let your ex get used to the fact that you might see her friend in an exclusive relationship. See what happens from there. If you feel too bad or her friend feels bad, then you can stop seeing each other as romantic partners before it escalates into an actual relationship.
So either take things slow if you had a good break up, but I would wait a lot longer than just a week to see her friend if you were the one to break things off.
Take care.
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