A
female
age
30-35,
*at113091
writes:My boyfriend and I are drifting apart I can just tell. I feel as though there is something more I can do but he won't tell me what. We haven't even had any sexual contact yet cuz I'm not ready and I think that bugs him... what can I do to make it so we don't drift apart? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): This situation is exactly what millions of girls & women regret for the rest of their lives.
The relatioship is failing and then you start having sex with him to keep him.
IT WILL NOT KEEP HIM IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.
Having sex will definitely bond you to him more than before. But it will not bond him to you any more than before.
In fact, sex may actually drive him away. If he was already wanting to leave you, sleeping with him will give up the last "prize" you were witholding from him that seemed like a challenge.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 No, no and NO!
I think everyone else has already said it. Sex is not the answer. In fact, sex is rarely the answer. Sex is a bonus when you're ready for it and not before. Don't misunderstand that: sex is wonderful, and an important part of most relationships that are going to last. BUT it's not what makes them last.
Communication is essential. If you can't communicate on a verbal and non-sexual level then you will never really communicate in a meaningful way on a sexual level. Sex MIGHT be a "quick fix", but quick fixes don't last. They come unstuck. You need to make sure that the "glue" that holds your relationship together is far deeper than a bit of stickiness on the surface.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 If you're not ready, you're not ready. Don't do anything you'll regret later because you are feeling some pressure to have sex. Honestly, trust me, this will not save the relationship.
As far as trying to keep him from drifting away, don't try to close that distance too much; a little time spent missing you might not be such a bad thing for him to experience. But the key is not to be mopey about it, smile and laugh and enjoy his company when you're with him, but also smile and laugh and enjoy the company of other people, your friends and classmates. Generally, people are drawn to positive, happy energy and if you radiate that, then you are doing well!
Give him some space, but be positive when you're with him, and maybe he'll figure out a way to tell you what is going on in his head.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Absolutely DO NOT have sex with him in order to "keep him". You'd be selling yourself cheap if you did that. Who says it would even work - you might have sex with him and then watch him leave anyway! How would that make you feel? Not very good about yourself, I'm sure. Besides, if sex is the only reason he'd stick around with you, is he really the kind of guy you want in your life? I sure wouldn't - I respect myself too much. So should you! Lonely is right: if the problem can't be solved by talking it through, then you shouldn't be in a relationship with this guy.
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Do not sleep with him JUST to keep the relationship together. If you're drifting apart because you won't have sex with him then he's not worth it. You shouldn't feel pressured into having sex because you want to stay with this boy. It shouldn't bug him. If he really likes you then he'll wait for you. That's what happens. That's the way it's supposed to go. Don't do anything unless you're ready for it...If it's the sex that's bothering him and is driving him away from you and you're not ready for sex then there's really nothing you can do. Just don't do it unless you are completely ready.Wishing you the best.xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Giving into sex at this stage is not the answer and would only be a bandaide to bigger problem existing.There are two side to sex for men, one, it is a quick fix to the lack of other things such as two: mental intimacy. Lack of communication, sharing of and acceptance of each others feelings; the good one (how you make me feel) and the bad ones (how you make me feel).If your not sure what this could be, then you have to talk, if you can't talk about it and help mend wounds, then the relationship should end, otherwise, it will only get worse. Hiding the problem, or overlooking htem won't help, and will arise again latter. Now is the time to work on it, or get out of it.
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