A
female
age
36-40,
*ovedUp
writes:Hi this is my first time on DearCupid so i am sorry if my question is too long but i need to get some opinions on my situation please.Where to start, well my boyfriend and i have been together for just over 7 months now. The thing is i have a bad habit of getting my hopes up on things that may not happen. Ok, well a few nights ago my boyfriend and i had a couple of drinks (to the point where we were both a little tipsy) when we stumbled onto the topic of marriage. I asked if he would ever want to marry me (when we first met he told me that he didn't ever want to get married) but to my surprise he said that he would. But he said that he wouldn't have told me this if he hadn't of had a drink. The next few days we often stumbled onto the topic again and he still seemed to have the same opinion on getting married to me, (yes in the future). The thing is because he said he never wanted to get married when we first got together do i get my hopes up on thinking he has changed his mind or was it just the drink talking and now he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings? It would mean the world to me if we did get engaged at some point but i don't want to dream and then find out that he doesn't want to get married. What do you think? If you need to know more please ask because i would like some honest opinions on my situation please. Thanks x
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female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 Honestly, you have to take it from us females who have been in your shoes.
Marraige is not all cracked up to be. I think we were brainwashed since little girls to think that we will fall in love and prince charming will save us, rescue us from whatever issues and problems we have.
This could be further from the truth, and I think that is why there are so many divorces.
You are still so young. What is the rush into marraige?
The truth is you are not going to be the same person you are in 5 years, and to commit to someone you've met only 7months FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE is ridiculous.
Trust me, the feelings of infatuation, lust, even love will go, when you are faced with reality of paying rent, bills, stress of in laws. future kids. That is real life. You really don't know this person well enough to see if he pass the test in being a true partner in life with you.
What I'm trying to say is this is the time where you need to go and find yourself. For you to set goals, accomplish your dreams. This will bring you happiness end life.
Not some man, because if you put it on him and wait on him, mostly likely you will be very dissappointed.
You already build up in your mind how it's suppose to be or should be. But if you take a step back and think from his point of view. Why would he want to spend the REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ONE PERSON...when he's just starting out in life.
Getting married to him does not mean that you will be together forever. Or that he won't leave you. I say work on the relationship, work on yourself as a person, but don't get married. Have fun, you're young, live it up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Hey babes,
It's natural for us women to want someone to ask us to get married. It's what the movies promote. We fall in love, he falls in love, then he's romantic, he gets a ring, he buys balloons, he sweeps us off us of our feet, then we get engaged, get married and it's happily ever after, and the book is closed.
But that's not reality babes, that's fairy tales, that's what happens in the movies. What do you think marriage really means, do you think it will solve all your problems, do you think it will make you more secure. Marriage is a special day, a performance, where you spend all your day smiling in a dress that's too tight, and too elegant to sit down in. Then you have to keep smiling, even though you want everyone to go home because you've had no sleep for weeks. Then there are the bills. Weddings cost thousands, you spend the first years of married life just paying for the bills of that special wedding day. You have pictures and videos you never look at, and your trapped with your partner for life. He stops trying to please you, why should he bother, your a wife, your not going anywhere, he's not gonna loose you. Your life then revolves around shopping for him, feeding him, doing the washing and ironing. Sex decreases, because a with a girlfriend you have to try, with a wife, you can say "knock it off, I want to get some sleep, I've got work tomorrow"... The movies make it look so simple, but marriages are bloody hard work. No more girls night outs, you won't be able to be one of the girls and gossip cause your married now.
Marriages can be beautiful, when you are financially secure, in love and mature enough to deal with the reality of everyday life. Until then be glad your a girlfriend, and have fun, don't wish your life your life away. Have fun in your relationship NOW, think about doing romantic fun things NOW.. Tomorrow is another day, let the future take care of itself.
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A
female
reader, LovedUp +, writes (20 September 2008):
LovedUp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind words DiovanLestat you have really helped me see that i am living in a dream and not reality. Thanks x
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A
female
reader, LovedUp +, writes (20 September 2008):
LovedUp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your honesty Ask oldersister. Does everyone else agree with this opinion? Please can i get some more views?
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