A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I recently learned, by finding pictures on my husband's computer, that he had an affair with a Thai waitress. We have been together for 17 years and I believed our relationship was solid. If I did not fully trust him I would not have allowed him to travel to Asia with friends (one friend was going home to see his family so this was a one time opportunity). I realized the moment he arrived home that something was wrong, he could not look me in the eyes and every initimate approach I made towards him was pushed away.He admitted that he had sex with this young girl on five occasions and that they had a real connection. He says that she did not ask him for money but he did give her $500 so she could move away to a better city. Also he says she wasn't a prostitute. How can naive can he be? Google Thai waitress and see what you find. We had travelled to Asia together on many occassions and were well aware of what happens out there. Not only am I disgusted but I am fully in shock. He says he used a condom but I still fear he may have contracted something. The saddest thing for me is that he tells me he really liked this girl and is thinking of going back. How can he choose a prostitute over our relationship? I really do not understand this. Our sex life was not the worst but I know that it could have used some improving. My husband has a stressful job and therefore he drinks excessively on weekends - this does not help and makes even wanting sex with him impossible.I don't know what to do. I cannot imagine my life without him. I have recommended we seek professional counselling and figure out our feelings. I don't know if I can forgive him for this. This has been the most painful experience of my life, the betrayal of someone you love more than anything.I have already consulted a lawyer but my heart tells me to fight for him. Am I crazy or what? He tells me he is sorry but "needs a couple of days to think about it".Can one continue in a marriage after something like this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): your hb has already told you that he will not give up on his Thai lover. he is going back for her.
this is your answer really. hun. your hb has TOLD you what he is intending. it means that he has chosen.
you need to do your homework regarding your divorce. you may love him but he has moved on.
as hard as it is, he has chosen.
good luck.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Merilee +, writes (20 March 2011):
Its really an individual choice. Do you want to be with him, or dont you. Can you live with his cheating, and possibly future cheating ? Only you can answer this.But if you forgive him and stay, you cannot ever use it against him or toss it in his face. That is what forgiveness is about.I would be more concerned about the trust issue though. Could you really trust him again, or would this growing green eyed monster eventualy kill you inside ?You have to figure out if letting him go, is worth everything your about lose, or if what you have together, what you have built together is worth hanging on to.I was in your shoes once. I dumped him. For a week straight I couldnt get him to leave me alone. I gave him another chance, and became this horrible person. I needed to know where he was, whom he was with, when hed be home, how much money he spent and where. I hated whom I became. And I let him go after 3 months of it. I could no longer live with myself being that person. But it is ultimatly your choice, and its not an easy one. I dont envy you at all in this time of distress, but I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, NOTSORRY  +, writes (19 March 2011):
It's good that he confessed and told you everything. Alot of quys would just lie even with the pictures. The troubling part is that he still wants to go back. I think men just think they are in love with a girl when she is helpless or needy because it makes them feel important. He must have felt so powerful and needed when he gave that girl the money. (your right-a prostitute-get tested!)My husband cheated on me in Laos. I had trusted him too-trouble it sex and girls are soooo easy to get overthere! My husband said he wanted to go back to (to visit his mom there). I said "You can go but when you get back me and the kids won't be there-you have proven you can't be trusted-and I would forever wonder if you cheated again. You will have to wait until we can go together and that's the only way". He hasn't been back since. But it took 7 years to get over the shock and pain. So sorry you have to go through this too!Counseling is a good way to figure out what was missing that he felt he found in Thailand. Just make sure he still loves you-and that you can forgive him completely if you decide to stick it out. No to either of these questions then throw in the towel no matter how much it hurts.
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