A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently found out my boyfriend cheated on me. From the very beginning we both made it clear how fond we were of each other. We both agreed that honesty and trust was the number one thing we looked for in a relationship, especially me i made it very clear to him that i had been treated badly in the past and i was glad to hear he valued honesty as much as i do.He cheated on me with a girl he wasn't even attracted too. His excuse was he was drunk and it was a kiss which lasted a few seconds. He said he does not know why he done it and that it was completely out of character. And regretted it immediately. I have no doubt that he loves me, but the worse thing is when i approached him about it a few days after it, he denied it and i believed him. Only because of the gut feeling ive had in the past few weeks, i managed to ask him again and he confessed. He said he didnt tell because he didnt want to lose me. He said it was a stupid mistake and he wanted to bury it and forget about it. He is the best guy i have ever met and the only first man i could see having a future with. He has made it clear that i am the one for him and he has great respect for me.Im torn and lost as what to do. My heart says yes my head says no. i would love to hear if anyone had this excuse for cheating said to them?? i need other peoples thoughts? many thanks.
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cheated on me, drunk, his ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you to all who replied. i have taken everyones opinion on board :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): You value honesty, he was honest in the end. He was drunk. Tell him he shouldnt be getting drunk enough to do that. Tell him if it happens again its over. And if it does stick to what you said. But if you cant forgive it your relationships over. If i knew my boyfriend did that to me i dont think i would be able to put it out of my mind and it would haunt me. Final decision is yours. Goodluck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): Ehm, yeah, alcohol or no, cheating is cheating. You need to assess why you love him and why you don't feel you are deserving of true love... I think you should cut ties here....
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A
male
reader, Heisenberg  +, writes (23 March 2011):
A kiss is a little more forgivable than a sexual act, I would think. While this certainly should indicate that there is a problem, it's not necessarily, or shouldn't be, anyway, something to end this relationship over. Everyone f's up sometimes, especially when you're young. Obviously he knew what he did was wrong and tried to hide it out of shame, or guilt. I couldn't imagine trying to openly broach that subject with my SO. If you love him, I'd say carry on. Be weary, but carry on. Your relationship needs a lot of work and the trust needs to be rebuilt. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 March 2011):
It's a sad, sad world when the first thing someone says when they've been cheated on is "I've no doubt he loves me"
Seriously, it's much better to doubt it.
You actually don't know that he loves you. At all. In fact, you can look at this situation and see that he denied it and lied, and blamed in on drink before saying that it was out of character.
Do you know how often people use those excuses? They are amongst the oldest ones.
"I cheated - it was the drink that did it but I really do love you" Blah, blah. Been there, done that.
You made it clear right from the start that you valued honesty, and that you'd been hurt. He agreed, meaning that he claimed to have understood and claimed to have had the same values.
Well, he's a liar. He doesn't At all. He blew that talk about honesty right out the window when he lied to your face about having cheated. He hurt you - like those before him. And he is now just after burying it and moving on.
You're still young, and you can certainly meet someone better. Find someone better. Far too many people nowadays - and especially women, I'm afraid, accept crap treatment. You have been treated badly before and lied to before, and it's happened again with this guy. I wouldn't hang around.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): I see your main problem is believing everything a guy tells you and that will attract alot of players and cheaters. Anyone can say anything and its much more important to take actions as truth rather than words.
If you stay with him it says alot about what your values are and that you put up with dishonesty and cheating so long as the guy says the right things and cheaters will always say the right things. Trust comes from actions and not discussions, you put value on the wrong things.
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