A
female
age
41-50,
*aylbee80
writes:So basically, I met the love of my life 3 years ago, we are a same sex couple, I am 34 she is 30, we married in May 2014, we lived together for 2 and a half years, altogether. We fell in live on our 1st date. Then 8 months into our marriage she decided to leave me saying she doesn't feel the same way anymore but still wants me in her life as friends. I recently found out she has been hanging round with her ex girlfriend and has booked a trip away and a holiday with her in which they are sharing a bed. I confronted her about this and she states that they are just friends and have been for 12 years. I don't think I believe her. I believe she is sleeping with her. She says she is just getting support from her. We have been through a lot together. I was diagnosed with ME and we struggled with this for some time and came through the other side, we both suffer from mental health issues and when I have a bad bout she always suffered with depression afterwards. She says she just needs space and time and feels lost and not strong and keeps having panic attacks, of which I have witnessed. She has moved back to her parents and said she needs to be there to feel nurtured and safe. We never argued but we did have our own problems which were down to my health issues, these were lack of sex and anger issues, I never hurt her in anyway I just got moody. We are still in contact everyday day via texts and see each other every couple of weeks. She came to the house the other day to collect her clothes after 6 weeks of not living here, we both flirted a lot and also cried and talked about things. When we decided to marry we both had the same feelings about it and said we would only do it once if it was the the right person. She never married her ex. So do I still fight or do I give up and let her be with her ex if that's what she is doing? In my heart she is my soul mate and believe that we were ment to be together. I also believe in my heart, head and gut that we will get back together. She says she thinks we are ment to be in each others lives but she is not in love with me anymore and does not want to try to reconcile our marriage. What do I do? I believe she is worth fighting for but am I just being blinded by my emotions? Please help.
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female
reader, CattyCat +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Let her have her space.
Give her one final, heart felt letter/text, telling her how you feel about the two of you, and end it with, "my door will always be open to you, if you should ever want to come back to me, to us, but I will only leave it open once, as I refuse to be lead on. Meanwhile, I will be your friend, but I need to focus on me now until you contact me"
Then focus on your life, accomplishments, things you can do.
At the end of the day, your partner has said some things that are hurtful and that's going to take time for you to process. If she is meant to be, she will respect what you say and after time, she'll know what she wants.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2015): I can't beging to imagine your pain.
You can 'fight for her'as much as you want but unfortunately, you can't fight her free will. It was her will to leave you, to go on holiday and share a bed with her ex, and to not reconcile your marriage. You can't fight her on any of these.
It is only her who can open herself up to giving you another chance but there is nothing you can do to influence her decision either way.
Stay strong. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 March 2015):
 You can't ever close the gap if she doesn't want to reconcile.
I would start the process of mourning the relationship, and that might include a period of not speaking/communicating/texting/messaging/etc in any way with her, while you go through the stages of grief for the relationship.
At the moment, you are in the bargaining stage of grief... look it up, you'll see.
In the meantime, you can work on those anger issues you know you have. "Moody" is a nice way of saying you are focusing only on your own emotions and 'needs' and can't feel see another's point of view. Get a handle on that before you try to get back into a relationship with her or with anyone else.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 March 2015):
Why is someone that hurts you so much worth fighting for? There are a lot of people that will love you without hurting you.
And someone who falls out of love after 8 months if marriage will be hurting you over and over.
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