A
male
age
41-50,
*RJONES
writes:Hi there, my problem is with my female workmate. We are friends, this seemed to develop over a few months, up until about 6 months ago, all we would really do is lock eyes a lot, nothing more, other than the odd 'hi' and 'hello'. She is married and from what i have heard from discussions we have had, happily. I have been happy with our friendship, however, I am very attracted to her (and I know she is attracted to me, I have many reasons why I know this but wont go into those here). The problem is, as time goes on, I am finding it harder and harder to put her out of my mind, for example over weekends, or during work drinks when she isnt there (which is more often than not)I have been thinking of ending the friendship, but really dont want to do this, as we do get on well, and friends like her are very hard to find, but I am finding it quite painful when we are apart and I know she is spending time with her husband (which is fair enough i think). I guess most of you will say 'forget her' (easier said than done) or 'find someone of your own' - of course I will do this when the time is right but dont intend on rushing into any old relationship just so I can get my colleague out of my mind.. and Im doubtful that would necessarily solve the problem. Another thing, don't assume that because I am attracted to her that i would try and make a move on her- I DO NOT intend doing anything, as I am not that stupid. This question is not about that.Any suggestions would be a great help! Many thanks :)
View related questions:
co-worker, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (27 July 2011):
MRJONES is verified as being by the original poster of the question Update: It's hard to beleive that the question was written only 2 weeks ago as so much has changed since then.
We have in a nutshell drifted apart anyway. What started out as friendly conversation when we worked together didnt really go beyond that, for obvious reasons. As I said she loves her husband very much and is very loyal, and I think she was just being (maybe too) nice. There was an attraction Im sure, from her, but I think she is probabaly attracted to many guys at work- I think there were never intentions on her part and Im wondering whether at some point she has realised that perhaps she enjoyed my attention but gave the wrong idea so to speak. No fault on her part, she is just generally friendly, which I (and no doubt most men would find) very attractive, especially when shes also very easy on the eye. I have never tried anything to even remotely indicate that I was attracted to her but Im sure she knew anyway..
So I think I was kidding myself a bit in saying that we were in fact friends as taking a step back and looking at it from an outsider it was all a bit one sided.
Nevertheless, we have moved to different floors within our building and dont see each other very much at all now. When we have had contact it hasnt been anywhere near as friendly as it once was- I wont go into too much detail there.
So Im a bit sad about this (ok devastated) - The 'friendship' from what I can see at the moment has been ended for me- I think it was probably for the best anyway but that doesnt make it any easier.
A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (20 July 2011):
MRJONES is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo A reader, anonymous, (11 July 2011), I would love to hear your story- do you think you could create a question for it? It would be interesting to see the advice. Many thanks.
...............................
A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (13 July 2011):
MRJONES is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAppreciate that, thanks again anon! :)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): it was meant as a compliment.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (13 July 2011):
MRJONES is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! (I think)
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): well MrJones, at least you have morals and you do respect marriages.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (11 July 2011):
MRJONES is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your great replies- I wont be trying anything on her I promise :). To anonymous, your reply seems to good to be true- it would be too risky to do that though I think- I have not had any signs from her that she would even remotely want that... and she talks about her husband all the time, as if to remind me she is married (not that I need reminding).
Appreciate your time in answering- thanks again everyone!
.. and I know, I need to keep busier! :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011): I would tell her how you feel. I am in HER exact situation and I would do anything for him (my equivalent of you) to tell me he feels that way. Perhaps she is craving you as much as you are her and as much as I am him! :0)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2011): She's the one who's married, so it's up to her to decide where to draw the line as far as if you two should be friends or if you're tempting her marriage.
It doesn't sound like your relationship is inappropriate though -- you don't mention spending one-on-one time with her, alone, which is good. This means there are rules in your relationship -- and you, too, have said you don't ever intend to make a move on her because she's married.
Here's the part you won't like, though:
If you honestly can't get her out of your head and want to be with her so badly, you probably will eventually make a move on her, and it probably won't end well for either of you. You are obsessing over her, and that's not really healthy for either of you. You said you don't really want to hear that you should distance yourself from her and try to move on, but that's exactly what I'm saying you should do.
Sometimes we don't want to hear the truth, but we need to.
...............................
|
