A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do I deserve this treatment? Am I the bad guy? (be prepared to read)?First off let me give you a jest of what him and IWe’ve been together for a year and a half, we’ve known each other for about 4 years or so, we lived together for 4 months at his house, we fought about little **** normal relationship stuff.In the beginning of the relationship he has lied to me a few times about girls but it wasnt that big of a deal….. Nothing to be to concerned about….. I think…Ok so on may 16 my boyfriend and I went to his family’s gathering but he was kind of in a bad mood that day because he had to get to work in a few hours and had not been sleeping good for 2 nights of work already… I was being very nice to him knowing he was in a bad mood. (I even got all dressed up for him and did my hair the way he likes it) … he goes to work and I go to my aunts bbq at her house, end of day.The next day around 8:30 am he calls me telling me hes on his way home and that he misses me and I looked very beautiful (I thought he didn’t notice) then telling me that he wants me to stay over his house because he had the day off till Thursday. So I got up got ready and started walking to his house.When I get there he didn’t answer his bell so I was outside in the sun for a good 10 mins till finally he answers (he was sleeping) when I get there I greet him with the usual kisses, hugs and cute talk. I tell him I brought him food and a surprise. I warm his food up take it to him in bed, he eats then goes to sleep….. He wakes up a few hours later and tells me whats the surprise.. It was chocolate cake with strawberries, he eats the cake and falls back to sleep. Mind you I’m laying there with him not sleepy at all making no noise while he’s hugging me in bed. I maybe fall asleep for 20 mins but because I have insomnia I didn’t go to sleep till 5am that nite.The next morning he wakes up all bright eyes at 8am and I’m so sleepy still, he wakes me up telling me hes bored, I try’d waking up with him but the sleep was killing me so I go back to “sleep” , though I wasn’t asleep because he turned on this shooter movie and put it up loud, when the movie was over it was like 10 or 11am still early. He turns to me and says what do we do now. I tell him “ugh, Idk what do you want to do I’m freaking tired” he then tells me I don’t want to do this all day, I’m gonna make something to eat. He goes to the kitchen and makes only himself something to eat and starts watching family guy in the living room… I’m starting to get upset because hes being mean. so shake off the sleep and tell him if he can put the video games on for me, with this smirk he says “oh now your awake” I tell him I was never asleep. He puts the games on and goes back to the living room, as I’m playing he comes in the room and starts writing a letter to his brother in jail but he sits on the bed WITH his shoes on I know its his bed but that’s the side I sleep on…. I didn’t say anything but was thinking hes a jerk.I turn off the games (I was only playing for about 30 mins or even less) I tell him what do you wanna do then? The basketball game is today, wanna go watch it somewhere? He tells me we don’t have money to do anything (still being mean about everything)… I say ok. I sit on the floor of his room as he continues to write. I asked him if he wants to go see the game at my moms house. He says “ I’m busy” So I look at him and say what the hell are we gonna be like this all day or what? He tells me yeah yeah desi you tell me. At that point I’m so over it. So I get up and start getting dressed. I tell him thanks for the fun night, it was wonderful watching you sleep.. And this morning was amazing. OH and also I had given him money to cut his hair that day. So I tell him have fun cutting your hair and doing whatever it is you want today.And I head for the door. As I’m walking out the door I hear him come up from behind me and reach his hand over me throwing money down the stairs saying keep your ******* money then slamming the door on my back and locking it…… you can imagine how I felt after that… so I pick up the money and go up to the door knocking softly asking him to open it. (side note. I have not started my period in about a month and I’m sleep deprived) I knock again, and again and again…. By the 5 knock I start to bang on the door….. I get nothing. So I start kicking the door telling him “open his ******* door” he ten tells me what do you want stop banging on my door. I yell I wanna get my things!! He says what things I’ll get them for you. I say EVERYTHING!!! He opens the door and I storm in the room. I start taking everything out the dresser drawers and putting them on a blanket… he then says to me. “ you wanna leave?! Then take it all. So he starts throwing my things out into the hallway .At that point I’m even more mad and tell him, I WANT EVERYTHIGN!!! I NEVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!! YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!!…. I took pictures and everything. Like completely removing myself from his room. do you think he'll take me back?hes done worse than i.....
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in jail, money, period, video games Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthan you guys it makes things clear when coming form a male...
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 June 2010):
 His brother is in jail, he swears at you, he needs money for haircuts, and locks you out of the house.
You pretend to be asleep so you won't have to spend time with him, describe half of what he does as mean, and wonder if you're the bad guy.
Short answer? Neither of you should be in a relationship until you are more secure and grown up.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Based on what you wrote here, no one can tell you if you are a bad person. But when two people fight about stupid stuff like video games and shoes there is usually a underlying reason. I'd start thinking about that, looking for it, trying to understand it.
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