A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been friends with this boy for just over a year now, for a good 3 months last year we were seeing each other but things just didn't work out. He then had a giflriend and we were like bestfriends but now they've been broken up for a while and we've both always had a thing for each other. Today he came round and took my virginity! 10 minutes after he said he needed to get something for him car but never came back in and I got a text from him saying he needed to leave because he got depressed.I've never felt so disgusting and disrespected in my whole life and he's apologised so much but I don't think that's enough? I mean I trusted him so much not to hurt me and he's managed to do it 10 minutes after and left me in pieces. What do I do? Do I keep my friendship with him, give him another chance if he makes it up to me or do I cut all contact?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): You have made a mistake. Nobody is mistake proof. We all make mistakes. Sometimes dreadful ones.You just have to accept that you made a mistake and learn to live with it. Someday you will find someone you can love an trust and who loves you back and this incident will be just a distant memory you would rather forget, like many many young girls who make this same mistake.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 April 2016):
 You said "They've been broken up for awhile". How long was "awhile"? Given what your age is, I'd be betting that he's not over your friend, his ex.
Yeah, he didn't just "take". You slept with him, and you GAVE him your virginity. I think he's a slime for doing what he did, as he's a coward, and you need to decide whether or not you want friends with character and integrity like that.
I wouldn't be surprised if after he texted you, he made contact with his ex. People don't get "depressed" after sex unless it's someone else they wanted to have sex with. Usually sex causes feelings of euphoria and contentment.
My money's on "rebound". It's a sucky lesson, and I'm sorry you had to learn it the hard way.
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A
female
reader, mintrablooms +, writes (24 April 2016):
I think you should ask him why he did that. And I mean really ask him. I can't figure out why he'd apologize so much bit so that to you in the first place. Anyway he was a terrible first partner but don't feel bad because he acted so selfishly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 April 2016):
 I agree, virginity can't be taken. There has to be consent. It's not like a pair of sneakers or a box of rocks.
YOU CHOSE to have sex with him, even-though you two weren't dating or a couple. And now you regret it. It happens.
SEX doesn't mean he LOVES you or CARE about you -or that he OWES you to be in a relationship with you.
I think you SHOULD cut the contact 100% or he will be back to try and have sex with you again and again - and you will think if you DO have sex it must mean something... it doesn't always mean a thing.
Next time you have sex, have sex with someone you you CARE for and who in turn CARES for you. Make is special.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 April 2016):
 I think you should cut contact with him, just for a while or until you can forgive him. I don't think he's a horrible person. He's depressed because when he had sex with you, images of his ex came into his mind. It's true they are broken up for a while but it could take a much longer time for him to recover. Maybe he quickly left because he couldn't hold back tears. You might be expecting cuddles, or concern for you body and emotions, which he's not capable of doing because he's preoccupied with thoughts of his ex.
His apologizing isn't enough because you were looking for more than a "friend", whom you suspect, was trying to get over his ex by having sex with you. I think you would be able to forgive him if you know he actually wants to start a relationship with you.
Virginity can't be taken. There has to be consent too. So I don't know if your intention of sex was just for the sake of losing your virginity because you are coming of age, or are you looking to develop something with him that's deeper. You seem to value your virginity, your first time experience. Or maybe this is something you just realize after the deal.
If you come to the understanding that he's just someone who takes advantage of your vulnerability and does not really like you that way, then you should cut contact with him.
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