A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy at my work who just got hired 5 months ago. Initially, We hardly talked to one another and I was indifferent towards him. This all changed few weeks later when I ran into him in stairway-the first thing he asked was if I go to the gym, to which I replied yes and asked him why he was asking. He proceeded to tell that he saw me the previous day at the gym while he was on treadmill and I was on different machine -but wasn't sure if it was me and that I looked very familiar . I confirmed that he was indeed right. The funny thing is ,I didn't even notice him at the gym that day. After chatting briefly ,I came to conclusion that he variably visits that gym as me -He visits other locations .So it was mere coincidence that we ended up at the same gym that day. Similarly, I also use various locations .I've gone back to the same location few times but my gym schedules haven't coincident with his. In addition,We work in completely unrelated departments.(we have very minimal work-related contact) However, we seem to run into each other walking in and out of conference rooms, hallways ,elavotors and staff rooms. He now always make it a point to smile ,ask how I'm doing .I see him see him around 1-3 times a week if I'm lucky. There's no indication that he is anything towards me other than just-being a -pleasant friendly professional capacity but I'm curious about him, and therefore want to talk to him more, spend some time with him. For the past week, I've been trying to get his attention by talking to him more but I haven't been getting back any signs that he's romantically interested in me . I've tried to be around him more often. I ask him questions to prolong what he's talking about.He hasn't asked any personal questions about myself nor has he asked for my number. I try and look my prettiest for him (shiny hair, natural makeup, fitted clothes)... and no dice.Few days ago, he saw me eating a hamburger on my lunch break. Then when he ran into me upstairs , he said "hi' again and he brought up how I was eating a hamburger and how he wanted to grab it from me. Then today, when he saw me he was like" I made myself some hamburger yesterday when I got home because of you,LOL.I just can't tell if he only likes me as friend or romantically. So is there any chance he might be interested in me? He said he is over 30 and he appears to be in his mid 30's.I want to find ways to ask him for a coffee happy hour .I know dating co workers is a bad idea but we don't directly work together and I will be leaving the company in a year to pursue another career when I finish College.Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand where you are coming from WiseOwlE and I hope you accept all I said was not any act of disrespect to you.You have a point but our company doesn't have no dating policy.As matter of fact ,I've had few co workers ask me out but I wasn't intrested in any of them.I politely turned them down--there's no hard feelings or any awkwardness between us and we're still cordial towards each otherThat said, I figured out Asking would stop the dreaded "agonizing" I'm going thru right now. Or, in the simplest of terms, asking more than likely would result in a "answer".And...if he says "oh I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend/wife". Or even if he says "thanks but no thanks" the world will not end. If I ask a guy out, he said no and this happens to men all the time and guess what, they survive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2016): It's not the on-the-job love-connections that workout that's the problem, it's those that don't. Then it's the company's business. Business is pretty black and white. So are most company policies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): It's possible your coworker is interested, but as you said, it's difficult to tell - he may just be friendly. It might be best to spend some one-on-one time together to find out.
Does your gym offer any athletic activities you could do together (e.g., badminton, racquetball, basketball)? Maybe you could ask if he likes one of those activities and if he wants to get together with you to play sometime because you've been looking for people to play with. That seems safe enough, and you could go from there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWiseOwlE,I'm not asking for lecture on why I shouldn't date a co worker.I've already established in my OP that have little, if any, work related interaction--Plus, I'll be leaving the company in a year or so. I have clearly countered justifications as to why I decided to pursue it
Besides it's a calculated gamble.My sister is married to her co worker and they have 2 children.I also know people that are married or in a relationship with someone they had worked with.Things are not always black and white you know--I don't think I should miss out a chance just because we work together.Even if he turns me down,I'll know where I stand.I'm asking for advice on how to pursue this not why I shouldn't date a co worker.thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): Well I'm not a 100% sure of this because I am young and inexperienced so here's my thoughts :I think he may well be interested and he doesn't want to ask you out because it could mess things up between your relationship if you are not interested in him that way or in general so here's my suggestion every week when you see him and start talking maybe you could pay him a compliment e.g your hair looks nice today or I like your tie ( just an example sorry if they are bad) and he might pay you a compliment back.Over few weeks just give him compliments and talk about how work is, and stuff and overtime slowly but surely he might gain the confidence to ask you out for coffee or you could if you want to but it is up to you sorry if this is really bad advice I am only 15 so this might be silly to you
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2016): Everything you describe sounds pretty generic and friendly to me. It's best to do your dating-search outside of work, and avoid awkward or unintended situations that might go against your company code of conduct. Many businesses frown on flirting; if it's done on company time, and while you're on the clock.
What you do on your own time and away from the job, is your business; but things become very tense when it turns out he may have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Then every-time he sees you, he's got to deal with your discomfort; or attempts to avoid him. I run an office. I don't condone office romances and dating.
People often think this is old-fashioned advice; until they decide to hire a lawyer in a sexual-harassment cases against their employers who in most cases were never aware of any misconduct. Or, some scorned individual wants to get even after getting played. Then the workplace becomes the stage for a soap-opera. I've seen it more than I care to say; and I advise people on this site as often as I can.
Keep your professional and personal lives separate. Look for eligible romantic-interests as far away from your workplace and livelihood as you can.
What if he flat-out rejects your offers for a coffee-date?
What if he accepts it, manages to get you in bed; and shows no interest in you thereafter? You can't just walk away; you indicated in your post how often you run into each other at work. So imagine how awkward it could be.
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