A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:hey :)small question i hope,so my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 10 months. Urm.. hes never been much of a flirt but we've both had some trust issues however i had a reason not to trust him because he betrayed me before, not cheated or anything. Just sexting my friend at the start of our relationship apparantley because he was jealous of my ex, but i never betrayed his trust.So recently this trust has been getting slightly out of control we both say we can message the opposite sex on facebook as long as theres no flirting, kisses etc.. but then again everyone has different veiws of flirting. Hes never been much of a flirt before with girls that ive noticed but just recently hes become a bit of a 'snake' which in my country/town means a bit of a urm..get around. Hes been messaging about 7 different girls each day and there has been a bit of flirting going on like one girl he said good girl to inmy opinion and a lot of my friends thats flirting even his best mate agreed with me and said it was and he cheated on my friend after 7 month relationship so i cant really see how im over reacting if even he agrees with me. Also one girl even asked him to leave her alone, because he was annoying her, i confront him about it but he claims hes only talking.When it comes to me tho its totally different story, ill be talking to a couple of boys i talk to about 2 boys a day if that and there usually the same ones because theyre the ones im close to as friends, he gets very jealous like im quite close to one boy who talks to me most nights and because i stay up quite late my boyfriend thinks im staying up just to talk to him when im not i watch abit of telly then read my book so not really. Tonight it went bad i thought about leaving him because of the amount of girls he chats up on facebook lately, i told his friend and he said he didnt blame me anyway my bf said he was going to bed as soon as the boy who talks to me a lot started talking my bf popped up and told me to get to bed i said no im watching something and his reaction to that was very mean. Then he said sorry sorry sorry i love you i said no youve said something very mean. There's no going back now but the thing is i really am only talking he isnt he flirts, and dont want girls to be thinking hes flirting with me on facebook is she really that gullable or for them to be laughing at me. anyway atm my status is changed back to single which for that to happen with us it usually means game over.What do i do? Put up with it or am i over reacting a little?
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (26 July 2012):
 Is this an online relationship or a relationship in real life?
Online relationships are very difficult because they are online. You are not bonding through physical interaction and you are not interacting with one another in a real way. Online relationships are very fluid..meaning...they are constantly changing because it is so easy to "chat it up" (like you said) online. There aren't any real commitments with online relationships because people can flat out be lying to you about how much they care, or they could change their minds in minutes. People rarely feel loyalty or faithfulness online because they don't have to deal with the person in real life. I think people can say anything and everything online and you shouldn't trust it. If this is online, how do you know that he is being faithful to you? You don't...there is no way of knowing that.
If you are actually dating this person in real life, you need to tell him that you don't like him flirting with other girls and that he may think it is "just talk" but someone else could take him seriously. If he really liked you and you really liked him, you would not feel much of an urge to talk with people of the opposite sex anyway. I have colleagues at work, neighbors, and acquiantances of the opposite sex I enjoy talking to, but it is not a daily or weekly thing. I want to talk to my boyfriend everyday though.
If this relationship is all online, I would suggest you get out and find someone in real life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2012): Well I'm not one to take up sides but, considering you said he was 'sexting' your friend at the beginning of the relationship JUST because he was jealous of your ex, it sounds like he's the guilty party and is at it again. This time accusing you of flirting with other guys to justify his flirting with other girls. Both in my book lame excuses for what he's done/doing. I don't think you're overreacting, you're bound to feel angry and resentment towards him if he IS flirting and you are not, yet you're being made out to be the bad one in all this.Usually people will try to work through their relationship issues, and only end it as a last resort. So you need to ask yourself, do you think there is anything to salvage from the relationship, is he going to change and start respecting and showing you he loves you more, or are you going to go round in circles forever?Weigh up the pro's and cons. And make a decision based on what is in the best interests of both you guys.To be fair, you don't deserve to be treated the way you are, and if he wants to flirt with other girls and have their attention then by all means he should be single to do so.
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