A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 24 years old and have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. We love each other and are buying a house together. The only problem is I cheated on him when we were younger and it is really playing on my mind and making me question whether I should walk away now before we make this commitment. I have slept with two people behind his back(one which he kind of knows about) and I have kissed a number of guys, two of which were his best friend and his cousin. I was extremely drunk on each occasion, I am not using that as an excuse just giving the details. I am really not proud of what I have done and I deeply regret it but I have been completely faithful for over four years now. I am not trying to excuse or justify what I did I guess I'm just looking for some advice about what to do. We are really happy and are deeply in love so do I continue to keep quiet or do I confess all so he doesnt ruin his life by committing to a horrible cheat??Thank you in advance for any responses. Georgia x
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male
reader, alphamalesyndrome  +, writes (5 January 2012):
Codewarrior is on point. I don't know; I've cheated, and I feel that even if you don't get caught, it permanently changes the dynamic of the relationship. So basically, your relationship is already over on some level.
Even if he accepts it and stays with you, he will never, ever, ever be able to trust you 100% again. It will always eat away at him and depending on his confidence level, he will cope with it in different ways -- usually either taking it out on you by insulting you and becoming posessive, or by cheating himself, or by ending the relationship.
There is no positive or easy way out of this. The relationship is already screwed up, and since you are both still young, I would tell him -- and I really hope he breaks up with you so you can both move on and start fresh with someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): Yes he deserves to know the real person he is committing his life to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): You need to learn to tell the truth!U cheated numerous times so u know it just wasnt a one time thing.I hope u stopped consuming alcohol bec that will be your downfall in life. U can still have fun without alcohol. Before u buy this home or evn talk of marriage, u need to come clean: do not build your future on lies, rather deal with the past cheating now.You will get a lot of people telling u to keep your lies to yourself that there is no code of honour and so forth, but if u have a conscious and if u have what is called a moral compass, then u will do the right thing. If u want a proper future with this man then u need to tell him. The truth ALWAYS come out: its just a matter of time. So u decide whether its better to hear from u or someone else with ano ulterior motive!LoveGirl [Mod note to this poster: Please use "you" and not "u" in future submissions. Many of your posts do not get put through because of this.]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011):
I can't tell you whether to confess or not, but I will tell you that if a girl confessed that to me I'd leave her. On the other hand, if you do not confess and he find out later the result may be the same.
I'd want to know if my girlfriend cheated on me, so that I could be rid of her ASAP. My advice is to confess and let him decide if he will forgive you or not, because if you get more involved with a house/kids he will only be that much more upset if he later finds out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): Wow well it's kind of encouraging that this is worrying you I've just been cheated on and even though I know for a fact she did it she still wont admit it. Anyway it's a tough one but I think if you've been faithful for four years and have a strong relationship I think you should tell him otherwise he may find out then you're in all sorts of probs about the house etc hopefully he'll get over it although I have to say it might take a long time abd if it was me i'm not sure I could but at least I would feel that you'd done the right thing and not hate you for it.
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