A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together nearly 4 years. We are engaged. We are planning to marry in the summer. To get to where we are took a lot of arguments and fights because he has been married before and has a child. He didn't see the need to marry. He doesn't want children. I would like to have a child, but it is not a burning desire at the moment. I'm a little anxious because what if in the future I do want one. We love each other dearly and I feel I'd rather be with someone I love and have no children than marrying someone for the sake of children and not loving them enough. Also starting again with someone takes time and may not work out. I am 35 years old and love my bf very much. My family adore hime too. He is loving and I always feel protected when I am with him. What are my options? I don't want to force him for children in the future if I get broody.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): thankyou for your advice. i know its crunch time. we have such a happy time together which makes the decision so hard. my heart says one thing and my head is pondering the other, but not saying no. i will take time to think and we have talked, but he really doesn't want any. maybe time will tell.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Sweety, it's good that you are posting this dilemma, now. You are planning a marriage this summer. You have to decide just how important having children, is to you. If you feel it is important, you and your man, will run into a huge problem, down the road. This is one area of a relationship that has no meeting halfway, for compromise or negotiation. Either you both want this together, or you don't have kids...plain and simple. I think you and he should sit down and fully explore the possibility of children and if he's dead set against it, then you either accept that or you walk away. To have a child or not isn't just a small problem. Having kids is serious stuff. All children are precious and they really deserve two, committed parents who want them. And you know, that parenthood is truly not a reversible decision! If I were you and you feel you may want a child in the future..he needs to know that, pronto! You need to really take note of your inner desire to be a Mother and think long and hard about this. You are 35, you have some years left but not as many as a women in her 20's. Time is ticking away here. As a woman myself, I don't think you should ever give away your 'right' to be a Mother, just to avoid the potential loss of a man who doesn't want it. Come clean-tell him now, you want to leave that option open for yourself and then let him decide what he wants to do. But you do have to seriously settle this 'kid' issue before you get married to this man. He has been truthful, he has told you his thoughts. Now you need to make a choice. No more waffling-it's down to crunchtime, here. You both need to settle this issue. A kid issue can and will break up a good marriage and your future happiness could be greatly at risk.
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