A
female
age
36-40,
*nnocentgirl
writes:Me and my ex were together for a year, but putting it realistically as a "long distance relationship" it was about 6 months. It started off amazing, but then of course that phase faded, and as each month went by i was seeing more of his real self. He was very immature for a 28 year old, never could plan anything especially future stuff, always relied on others to help him includng his mother and eventually he started getting comfortable with only seeing me once in a blue moon. Me however, I struggled a lot with the distance, and he kept me hanging on to the only hope i had for us, which was that we will one day move in together in London. Ended up that he moved there alone as i couldnt afford it or find a job in time for when his flat mates found a place. So basically i had no input towards where and when the move would be. Even with that he didnt help much towards. From then on, the time spent together was again low..and i just couldnt handle feeling alone, the relationship wasnt going anywhere..So I let go. He was quiet and accepted it for about a week, but now he has been begging and praying for a second chance. Telling me that hes a changed man, and wants me to now live with him in London for a bit to see how we get along, wants to learn to cook, wants to stop being childish and become more independent, basically everything he never did he now wants to do it.I am on holiday now, and even here when he promised he'd leave me to enjoy it, he has been bugging me for a second chance still. He even made a youtube video of himself crying and begging and telling me how much he loves me..He now wants me to meet him to talk, but i cant see it ending well. What should i do? Can a man really change that much?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 August 2015):
 Not that much in such a short period of time, no.
Consider taking him back maybe a year or so from now when he already HAS changed and has at least several months of being this new man under his belt. Assuming, of course, that by then you're still interested and available.
Tears mean nothing. Whether it's a man shedding them or a woman, it's just an attempt to manipulate. The more dramatic the protests, the more phoney they generally are.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (1 August 2015):
You are under no obligation to give him a second chance, and given the circumstances you've described I would not. It's ok to say no, and I can tell that you are hoping for our encouragement to say it.
You have mine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 August 2015):
 Nope, don't do it.
IF you have dreams of moving to London, KEEP your eyes out for jobs there however long that takes. Don't do it because HE now decides;" OH I want my EX to come down and hang out. See she has no job and will be dependent on me, so what I say goes- and IF I get tired of her.. I will merely kick her out."
Finding and getting a job, moving etc takes planning. And if that is something YOU want to do, DO IT FOR YOU.
It wasn't his JOB to "help" you with finding a job etc in London, THAT was/is on you. But he chose to not include you AT ALL in the endeavor, instead doing it on his own. And out of sight, out of mind was his attitude. Now that he has settled in a place to live and job... he wants a GF and how much easier would it be... to ask you to come? I mean he already knows you, you know him, he doesn't have to put much effort forth etc.
You have been broken up for a week... OF COURSE he hasn't changed. But that won't stop him from making more promises he might not keep...
It is up to you, but I think you already know where it will go.
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