A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have a friend with benefits. we have been sleeping together for a year now. 6 months into it i told him that i was starting to develope romantic feelings for him and he suggested that we end the sex before anyone gets hurt. i agreed but the next time i saw him we slept together. we had sex together for 8 months, exclusively but not in a "relationship", he then had sex with another girl which crushed me. we have gone back and forth saying that we shouldnt have sex anymore and then doing it the next time we see eachother. he knows that i am completely in love with him but he says that he has grown to love me as a friend in the past year but has no romantic feelings for me. is that possible??? for a male or female?? i kinda just think he is scared. he has had 2 relationships that ended very bad, one of which was a few months before we started sleeping together. should i stop the sex and hope that once he realizes what he lost, he will tell me how he feels?? or is it really possible to have sex with someone for that length of time and grow to love them as a friend but have no romantic feelings for them and not want to be with them??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i have stopped having sex with him and didnt talk to him for a few days. he then called and we hung out. i ended up going to his house and spending the night. no sex, dont worry. but he was being very different towards me. he usually isnt a cudddler at all. but that night he held me in his arms all night long and never once let go. we are really good friends so i cant just not hang out with him which makes it so hard. he is 31 years old, i am 21. he says the reason he doesnt want to be in a relationship is because he has been hurt too many times. i dont know anyone that hasnt been hurt. but he is just the type that gives up on love i guess. our friendship is definately better but it is so hard to be around him. i am definately not waiting around on him. if i meet someone that i like im not going to let him get in the way of that. although, it has been hard to meet guys because i do love him so much. geez, why are men so complicated. thank you for all your answers and please keep the advice coming. i need all the help i can get. i would really love to hear a man's point of view on this. thank you all!!!
A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 this guy can't believe his luck. no strings attatched sex on tap whenever he wants.
you obviously aren't able to do the friendship sex like he can, because he sees it as nothing more but that, sex with his friend.
he's young and sleeping around before he gets tied down. you need to stop havig sex with him in the hope one day he'll tell you he loves you because he won't. in fact you just need to stop having sex with him full stop. it's not going to be easy if you love him like you say but if you don't you'll be hurt everytime he has sex with someone other than you and you will be worse when he gets a girlfriend.
take time out on your own and then you'll be ok.
take care
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A
female
reader, ellakate +, writes (23 September 2007):
I don't think it would be possible for me to have sex with someone for that long and not develop romantic feelings, but whether its possible for him to or not that's clearly the way he is acting, so you'll have to take him at his word until he says otherwise. If you're not comfortable with simply the friends with benefits routine I would stop having sex with him immediately and stop spending time with him if the temptation is too great. You deserve better and you could be missing out on better spending all your time and attention on him.
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