A
female
age
36-40,
*irisse2001
writes:My bf and i just broke up. The story is this: we celebrated our 33rd monthsary last 23rd of aug. We fought on the 24th, it was a big fight though, i even asked him what if we just break up? but i took it back. we didnt talk after that, we talked on the 26th, he told me that he thinks we should really call it off, and i was the one who dared him, When i asked why, he told me he already has another girl. It was devastating for me. After that, he never left our house, because he was living there. Until now he's still there. And he claims that he still wants to take care of me. Sometimes he even acts sweet like before, and calls me with our terms of endearment still. I dont know why he's still acting like this. He asks me where im going and all stuff. But he has a new gf already. I still love him, and sometimes i feel that he still feels the same way, because of his actions. what am i supposed to do?
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female
reader, ririsse2001 +, writes (25 September 2007):
ririsse2001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthis is another situation that happened. I was on my way home when i saw both of them also going out of school. I don't like to see both of them walking in front of me , so i walked passed them. I walked pretending not to care, as what im supposed to do.. right? i was a bit far away from them already when i realized that my ex was already calling my name and he was already at my back. He left her and he said that he will just accompany me home. I replied to him saying that he don't need to do that anymore. But he was really insisting to, he even claims that his gf was also the one who told him to follow me. I kept on sayng no, and told him to go back to her, but he insisted and took me home. The nexy day he even said to me if i wanted him to accompany me going to school.. what was that? :( and in addition to that, durign the night. we were talking about our friend who was on the same situation as ours. But the difference is that my friend's ex is trying to get her back already. you know what my ex told me? "soon i'll also kneel to you".. :( im too confused.. should i try to win him back because it's my fault as what he said? and why did he do that? :(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I didnt mean you should 'pretend' that your ok with the situation - just dont let it become an issue that could potentially ruin your relationship.
But saying that, I can see how being around him will just be torture for you - especially when he's acting this way towards you and you cant even have him.
However, I still think you should confront him on this issue and let him know what your going through.
Maybe he is simply testing the waters with you to see if you reciprocate - it could be that he is regretting what he has done and wants to get back with you. If this is the case, its better to be honest about your feelings so he knows where he stands - this way, 'balls in his court' on what to do.
Maybe another reason why he is acting this way is because (as he claims) you were the one who pushed him away.
Guys can also get very defensive and put up a barrier when they dont want to get hurt. And maybe he is just taking things slow until he thoroughly thinks about what he wants to do.
In terms of moving on quickly though, I personally think its easier for guys to do than girls. While we may seek more emotional links with new partners, I think guys are more carfree in that respect. So dont take it too personally that he has been able to 'forget' you and the times you shared.
I also think that if he really cares about you, he will leave his current g/f, but he has to understand he cannot have his cake and eat it - its either you or his girl and he has to be a man about it and make a decision.
But to be honest, judging by what you have told me, I dont want you to get your hopes up. This is all just my specualtion (and I dont even know you guys!).
It doesnt seem like it now, but time is a healer. keep yourself busy and try to think about other things - because the more you think about this, the more twisted the facts will become in your head. You have to prepare yourself for the realisation that you may never get back with him.
But at least if you tell him how you feel, you will never have have that nagging feeling of 'what if...'
I do hope he realises what he has lost and you can both work this mess out. But you also have to understand that he's probably just moved on - and if this is the case he needs to stop stringing you along because you dont deserve it.
All the best,
xx
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A
female
reader, ririsse2001 +, writes (24 September 2007):
ririsse2001 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do understand that. But i won't pretend, I still have feelings for him. Is it really that easy for him to fetch another girl in that span of time? He claims that I was the one who pushed him away. But the moment that I told him to cool things off, i knew i took it back. And why is he still doing all these stuff?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Its the worst thing not knowing where you stand with your ex - expecially when you are still in love with them. I know exactly how your feeling as it happened to me also. My ex, who im also still in love, with recently left me for another girl but still looks at me lovingly or holds me too long when we hug.
I'm goin through the exact same situation.
I know he still has feelings for me and yours sounds like he also still has feelings for you - but we have to remeber that your ex still chose somebody else over you and my advice to you would be to set the boundaries. Tell him that you are still in love with him, and that his behaviour isnt appropriate because its its only going to make the situation harder for you.
I did with my ex and he agreed to stop. And although its hard, you have to stop hoping or even looking for signs that he wants to get back with you - otherwise you will never get over him.
Its hard hearing this but the facts speak for themselves - he is with his current g/f instead of you.
The way I see it, dont negatively affect your friendship by showing him that you're upset - because if its meant to be, and he still has real feelings for you - it will happen someday. And if its not meant to be, then at least he will still be in your life.
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