A
female
age
36-40,
*zzyBeth
writes:I met a man, years ago, when I was just a kid, if you call 17 a kid, we were flirtatious, mostly innocent....I got my heart wrapped up in him, he was my fantasy, the knight in shining armor on a beautiful white horse. In reality, he was twice my age, married, and just a really good actor. When it ended we hadn't crossed any lines that couldn't be uncrossed, and I was left feeling like a naughty child, people surrounding the two of us chastised me for my behavior while he went on without any responsibility for the "relationship," I resolved at that time to be friends with him, so what he forgot to tell me he was married, so what he led me on....I was angry with the rest of the world for discrediting my poor naieve broken heart, and I didn't want to hate him, that would have meant he'd done something wrong, and therefore I had as well.Fast forward a couple years, he gets a divorce and makes sure to inform me of it, innocent flirtation takes place again....but it gets steamier.....lines continuously get crossed, and I'm still holding on, because part of my heart is still 17, still hoping that prince charming still exists in my now "horn dog" email buddy....every boyfriend inbetween provacitive email sessions leads me right back to my keyboard wanting "him" to make it all better, lonely nights lead me there too...pretty soon I've crossed a line that is far beyond my comfort zone, he now has pictures...tasteful but still inappropriate....and he's waiting on an invitation, permission to take this where it's been leading......and the worst part of it is....I allow him to behave in the way that now turns my stomache....he's done nothing wrong because I never drew the line in the sand that he couldn't cross, he assumes that I'm on the same page....and some days I am....I've been holding on to my oh so precious V card thinking it would always be given to him, and yet....I want him to value more than the act, I have expectations, wants and needs that go beyond multiple orgasms, that I can't expect of him. He's going to break my heart all over again, and he doesn't even know it....so I'm left with this....do I break it for him and just walk away, or do I share the actual "feelings" that I still have for him and let him do with those what he wants. How do I go backwards, keep him as friend and harmless flirt and confidont....is it possible????
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female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 I had similar situation when I was 14 till 17 with a guy who was 13yrs older and I drawed the line he after words never tried to cross again.It took me lots of time to stop acting and thinking as that 16yrs old who felt he's everything she needed,not to give myself away to his mercy.I also wanted him as a friend,did anything I could to keep him that way and thought I'm gonna die when I realized I lost him somewhere in the past,when I honestly and innocently believed he is that "knight in shining armor on a beautiful white horse" he proved he ain't...Now,2 more years after,apparently I'm alive.And more mature now after I gave up the ilusions I had about "us".But one thing bothers me.Considering it all,I still am not sure about should I regret now for not trying to follow my other (more realistic) feelings and expectations then...So about your case I'm not sure what kind of advice should I give you.I know it hurts to hear it but going back isn't possible and going forward always is happening,even when you're not moving at all lol.I can understand it's your 1st love and all that but if your instinct tells you not to follow it - don't.I know how bad it hurts to get disillusioned but sometimes it's the best for you.Don't hurt yourself even more if you're sure in the outcome...as it seems to me you are.Best luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): No, its not possible.Forget all about keeping him as a "friend" and "harmless flirtation." Do the mature thing and drop him once and for all - as in "finally" and "for ever." You're no longer 17, and he was dishonest with you in neglecting to tell you he was married. Doing anything other than cutting off all contact would be a very bad idea.As you must surely know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Firstly, you should save that, its like poetry.
secondly, i think you know the answer you just dont want to believe its the right answer. forget him. if you continue leading him on you're just gonna end up getting hurtall over again and you know that! stop acting like that 17 year old in your head and find a decent guy who will really love you for you. sorry if this didnt help. good luck XxXxX
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A
male
reader, int5 +, writes (2 October 2007):
If you kow hes going to break your heart and you dont want to deal with the pain,etc. just dont pursue anything further. I kow its easier said than done though. If you want to be firends and if you feel that no negative "side effects" would come out of that then go for it. I cant make any choices for you and ONLY YOU know what you truly feel. All theneeds you say he cant give you then dont go for it,simple as that. Just really think about it and choose what YOU feel is best. I hope this helps some
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (2 October 2007):
End the flitations. Act like a big girl. Be pleasant and conversant, not hot and sexy. Make clear to him that you want him only as a friend. Don't start out by lying to yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Aaaahhh, yes. The first heart break. Live and love, dear, and never regret it. Don't be afraid of what lies ahead of you in life, just stand up straight and be strong and enjoy the ride. You only get one time around, you know. Talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Why are you even still freinds with this guy? you should have cut all ties and ran screaming. This man is bad news, you know that as you have been through it before, but yet your still thinking of going back to him? do you have any self respect?
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