A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its been about 3 months since I broke up with my girlfriend, we broke up because of past resentment, pent-up frustration and constant fighting (which was mostly started by me). I apologized to her and how my actions affected our relationship and also she apologized for her actions but what I didnt know was that a month after we broke up she started liking a guy and then 2 months after our break up she starts going out with the new guy. We went out for 3 and half years and every night gets better but every now and then I get really bad dream about her and the guy and sometimes I have good dreams about her and I. What I'm asking is that I've been through so much in that relationship, that in my heart I don't know how to act or feel towards the situation.. Last thing she wanted from me was for us to be friends, because I kissed her on the cheek and she told me she didn't want to cheat. Then I accepted her friend request just to see how she's doing in life and then deleted her right after, she messaged me angrily saying "what was the point of that, your immature, just forget it..etc." and I just didn't reply. I need help, do i become her friend and as time passes by do i secretly wait for her (but wouldnt the pain hurt)?? do i block her out of my life?? Can someone tell me how do you know if you love someone truly, how do people that are in love fight?? I just don't know anymore..
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broke up, immature, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, euphrasia  +, writes (27 October 2011):
i agree with the other agony aunts..just let go.cut off all contact and look forward to a brighter future.it will hurt but it will eventually stop.we have all been there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): she's with someone else now, and if it's too painful to remain friends with her then move on by cutting off contact completely. don't secretly wait for her because then your life will be dependent on something you have no control over. for all you know her and this new guy could be destined to get married. and even if you got back together with her, remember what it was like the first time around: "past resentment, pent-up frustration and constant fighting (which was mostly started by me)."
so you should move on by examining what went wrong in this relationship so you won't repeat the same mistakes in your next one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): It seems much easier to try again, but probably there are good reasons why it did not work out to begin with.
There have been great advances in relationship psychology and we now have valuable insights into the dynamics of both sides of a relationship. Review some of the online articles on Love Addiction and Love Avoidance, and especially "unrequited love". "Secretly waiting" for her WOULD be painful AND unhealthy.
Every relationship is a great opportunity for learning what we need to see about our SELF! Take advantage of that "Blessing in disguise!" Focus on what YOU have control over and take care of yourself!
The deliberation you describe sounds like you are caught up in obsessive thinking. The longer you stay in that place, the more you will reinforce the pattern and tend to unknowingly attract the same problems in a future relationship.
Remind yourself that you are wanting and DESERVING a much better relationship! Look forward with positive thoughts about what you are looking for in your ideal partner. Put it in writing and add to the list whenever new thoughts come to mind. Smile when you read it, knowing you will find each other. Be vigilant to bring out in yourself, the qualities you seek in a partner.
It may not seem so right now, but you will much more quickly find the love that you want by letting go of the past and looking FORWARD to something better!
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