A
male
age
,
*arver-up
writes:my partner of 11 years has recently told me that she wants to seperate,she says that there is no one else involved and that she simply does'nt love me anymore.we have an 8 year old son who has'nt been told yet.the family home has been sold and she is now looking to buy a property on her own,i've asked her if we can try again but she says no and it's over.i still love her very much and i am having trouble accepting it.my question is should i accept that the relationship is over and try to move on or do i carry on trying to save the relationship.
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female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (23 January 2007):
I sincerely apologise for stating Daughter instead od Son
Once again I am genuinly sorry
Adelaide
A
female
reader, Adelaide +, writes (23 January 2007):
HI,
I understand the predicament you are in at the moment, I understand that you want your family to be together. Breaking up is never easy.
My advice would be to ask her to write to you, giving all the reasons why she wants to part with you, ask her to write the letter from her heart with no holding back.
If she is willing to do this at least you will then have an understanding of why she wants to part. If you do get the letter i truly beleive that it will be of great use to you.
You can at least then put steps in place to work out what has gone so wrong, the reasons may give you both the opportunity to actually talk about the last 11 years.
I do feel for your daughter in the middle of this but please remember whilst you are both being civil to each other your daughter will still feel secure and will be fairly resilient to recent events, as long as she has lots of love care and support from both of you she will be fine.
If she will not write you a letter then you write her one telling her your feelings from the heart, you have nothing to loose by doing this, it will release the pressure and tension that you are currently feeling.
If your partner/wife has made her mind up and is not willing for a reconciliation or to seek marriage councelling then I genuinly am sorry. You are a strong person you can and will move on from this.
Please let me know how you get on and if I can be of any further help please get in touch.
Kindest Regards
Adelaide
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A
female
reader, SweetSixteen +, writes (23 January 2007):
 i'm sorry to hear this. maybe space is what you need, after 11 years together maybe a bit of space is what you need. just make sure that your child is informed in everything that goes on as not telling can traumatise a child and make them think it's there fault.
if space doesn't work and you still think there is a chance betwen you two it'll take time for her to feel the way she used to feel about you. show what a brilliant dad you can be and make her see what she saw in you in the first place.
if it is completely over you need to move on with your life. moving on with your life doesn't mean you have to forget her, 11 years is a long time and she is a big part of your life, moving on doesn't mean getting over her it just means having a future of your own.
remember moving on doesn't mean forgetting
hope i helped SweetSixteen!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): This is very difficult, especially after 11 years and you have an eight year old son for whom it will be very hard.
I take it she is not willing to consider joint counselling? If not, and you have talked about it, the thing to do is to consider the well-being of your son. Who will have custody, visiting rights, etc.
Again, I am very sorry to hear this.
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