A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Back in junior high, this guy pursued me but I was never interested. We lost contact and he added me on Facebook 5 years later. I was single at the time, but removed him because I was not interested in maintaining contact. Fast forward 6 years and again I am added by him to Facebook. We've been good friends for about 6 months and during that time we admitted to having feelings for each other. He also seeks my advice on his relationship issues. The other day we started chatting about past relationships, and I told him that I started dating shortly after I removed him on Facebook 6 years ago. He's having his own relationship issues at the moment and said to me that if he'd added me earlier on Facebook the first time around "who knows what could have been have been." He then implied I could have waited for him instead (back then), and basically implied "what if".Do guys say these sorts of things if they are not interested in a woman romantically? Why is he still pondering it when it happened so long ago? What is your opinion on all of this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2017): Dear he is just trying to make u regret on the decisions u took the past years so just live your life the way u've made it no regrets
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2017): He's just saying "what if." Don't place too much importance on probabilities. He didn't take your rejection very well back when he was a kid. Some people don't move-on; they let some things just follow them through life.
So chuck "what if" in the reject-bin with "should-have, could-have, would-have." All things subjective to hind-sight!
You've long out-grown that era of your life. Accepting his friendship grew weird and complicated. Why should you have waited for someone you weren't interested in?
He apparently didn't grow-up past high school. Please don't generalize that "guys" say these sort of things; because those are tactics used by tools and players for mind-games. In fact, that's how you distinguish them from the rest of us.
Most mature-guys don't mean anything by it. Sometimes they just say it to throw you a curve after being shot-down; to leave you wondering what you might have let getaway. Sometimes it's true! Apparently it's effective with you. It shouldn't be; because by the same-token you may have ducked a bullet. Grown-ups don't live by "what if's!"
Don't worry yourself over what guys imply or insinuate. The purpose of doing that is to confuse you, or to leave you stuck on a thought. Or in this case; compel you to write a post, to help get it out of your head.
Ba-zing-ah!!! He hit the mark. Now dismiss it, ignore his future contacts, and get on with your life. You have no regrets.
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (4 August 2017):
IMHO, we can't know by what he asked.
Do guys say these sorts of things if they are not interested in a woman romantically?
Yes, when they are fooling around, or when they are manipulative dudes, attention seekers, etc. Regular guys don't do that usually, and if they do, it's only for girls they are interested.
Why is he still pondering it when it happened so long ago?
He could have feelings for you, but the way he is sounding, sounds like bitter. It sounds like emotional blackmail to me, but I could be wrong. He could use that as a way to make you do things in order to "fix the damage" you made to him.
What is your opinion on all of this?
I could be completely wrong, so take this with a grain of salt. Do you know this guy really well? Have you seen him in a bad mood or not so friendly terms?
I've known many guys that were histrionic, wikipedia.org/wiki/Histrionic_personality_disorder , and were the most manipulative and blackmailing dudes with their friends and love partners. Emotional blackmailing it's bad, and healthy relationships don't use that to manipulate people. But those guys I mentioned used it on an everyday basis.
People like that try to get you feel bad about yourself, so that you feel guilty and you do whatever he wants you to do. That is, they tend to manipulate you a lot.
A true gentleman has no memory, and may only refer you that past mistake of yours either when talking about funny past times, or in a fight/discussion, but never on a normal conversation.
My advice, just stay alert for further red flags, because if you notice he starts to do other kinds of tricks to manipulate you, then its time to get away from him.
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