A
female
age
36-40,
*ummyummy123
writes:Do guys when they are stressed push people away who care about them? What is going on with me is this guy and I have been talking a lot about relationships, the future, our goals, work and mainly everything. We been getting super close that way. One night, we ended up hooking up and it wasn't what we had planned. Before anything even initiated he had told me he wasnt sure to kiss me or not because he was going back to school in the fall 3h away. But it ended up happening anyway and then more. Afterwords we held hands and continued talking on the way to my car. He told me how he he didnt want to hurt me and didn't want to put me into a long distance relationship because he doesnt think that is fair. So anyway, we continued talking for another 3 more weeks and hanging out (not sexually) and enoying eachothers company. 2 weeks ago, he went to another province for work and we talked there and then few days before he came back things started changing. He stopped talking to me as much and when we hung out, it just seems different. He is always telling me he is really stressed about what to do with school but should that affect how he is round me? I'm really upset about it, any advice would be great.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): He is weighing his priorities. It is a stressful situation trying to get through your studies and maintaining a relationship with a lot of distance between you.
It can be exhausting trying to get through a challenging curriculum, and then have a girl on the other end miles away demanding more of your time, and wanting you to be with her. Constant text messaging gets burdensome when you've got a lot of reading to do, and when studying for exams. You'll feel neglected; because you'll rely on this as one of your main sources of communication.
You will not be as understanding as you might think at the moment. You just want what you want. You're ignoring all the other complications that can arise with a long distance relationship.
We receive posts daily to this site, from people agonizing about losing hope, because they can't handle the stress of their long-distance relationships. They want to be together.
There's a gap in communication. They suspect their gf of bf is dating someone else. It goes on and on. Ultimately, they just breakup.
He is trying to let you go; because you deserve to be with someone who can give you their time; and will not have to spend a lot of time reassuring you, and constantly messaging to compensate for the lack of keeping you company in-person.
No one can survive a relationship mostly consisting of Skype, text messaging, and e-mails. Then a few hours or days together, here and there.
Really??? What kind of a relationship is that?
We used to call them "pen-pals," when I was a little kid. You want a partner, someone to hold you and be with you. He does too. Not some girl always wondering what he's doing when she's not there. That can be annoying. Then he's wondering what you're doing when he's not there.
Let him move on. That's his plan anyway. Take a hint.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): It has been my experience that when guys pulls away, it shows that they have lost interest. He may be too focused on his new life in the new town. He may have met someone else. I've found that it's best not to chase after a guy, and to let him do the pursuing. Otherwise, it can be an uphill battle and the relationship will lack the spark and passion from the get go. I totally agree with CindyCares's answer. The excuse that a guy needs space or is stressed is BS. It sounds like he's just not that interested. You should respond in kind by getting on with your own life, and attracting someone who is more passionate about you. Chemistry can be a real b^^^h. It's either there or it's not, and it sounds like there's not enough chemistry between you two to get things going too far. Back away, and focus on your own life.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 Yea that stress excuse is nonsense. He is not being honest and chances are its bc hes scared how youll react. Dont expect this to go anywhere seems things are done.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 This is just my personal theory and I don't have enough hard evidence to substantiate it but, FWIW, : no, it's bullshit that guys push you away " because they are under stress ". Or, to be precise : they do when they do not care and do not even particularly like you, so they'll stay away from anything that could even remotely have wants and expectations from them, adding unnecessary pressure.
If they have feelings , or at least if they like you- in fact, having someone who 's on your side, someone who's there to provide support, closeness and distraction from worries, is a big and welcome stress relief. Even if the relationship is not so serious yet. It just feels good having someone you like and who's got your back,- life seems easier.
In your case, I'd say you are overthinking this : he told you he does not want a relationship , that he's leaving soon,that he does not want an LDR, basically that whatever you had is transitional. All in all, not the signs of a burning passion, so it's normal to expect that his initial interest might have already dwindled, or that it may be lackadaisical, on and off according to the mood.
If you can accept and enjoy what he can give you for the time being until he's here, without having to worry about it much, then fine.
But if you have to feel bad or anxious about it, or worse if you have to start studying strategies to " fix " things or to make them better... then might as well to withdraw now before you get too hurt.
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